“I know,” he replied, miserable. “Durre, I know. But please, can’t we talk?”

“I have nothing to say,” she told him. She knew she was being unfair, but she didn’t trust herself. “Please go before I do something I regret.”

“Durre, please—” he began. Tears filled her eyes.

“Please leave,” she pleaded. “I can’t bear any more.”

“How can I let you go?” he asked. “I taste you in my lungs every time I try to breathe.”

“Please,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“But you would hurt yourself?” he countered, reaching for her.

She pushed him away from her. “That’s enough.”

“You promised you would listen to me come morning,” he said, voice frantic. “But you left me; I haven’t seen you since.” He paused; she saw how difficult this was for him. “Please, Durkhanai, let me tell you everything, if only for you to understand, if only for you to be safe. There are dangers here . . .”

“Dangers? The only danger here is you.” She took a staggering breath. “You’ve infected me with something terrible, and now you are leaving. You are leaving to never return.”

“Leave with me,” he suddenly said, grabbing her arms. His eyes were crazed. He didn’t look like himself, so replete with desperation. But she felt it, too, coursing through her.

“Run away with me,” he said, breathless. “We’ll never be accepted by court. Let’s run. I know I haven’t been completely straightforward, but—just hear me out. I’ll tell you everything, anything . . .”

He was rambling, but she wasn’t listening anymore.

All she knew was how despicable she was. She was considering it, considering betraying everyone she loved. She pushed him away from her.

“You want me to leave my people? My family? For you?” she repeated.

“I know it’s unfair of me to ask, dishonorable, even,” he replied. “But I’m too selfish to let you go. Stay with me.” He dropped to his knees, taking her hands. “Be with me for eternity, in this life and the next.”

While the proposition seemed genuine, there was true fear in his voice. What dangers did he think she would be vulnerable to if she stayed in her home?

She could not contemplate it. She was too furious was herself because she knew there existed a part of her heart that would do it, that would leave everything for him.

She had no honor, no loyalty.

“We can start anew,” he told her, eyes full of hope. He held her hands tight.

She pulled her hands from his grasp.

“If you loved me, you would never ask for such a thing,” she snapped. “You think I would leave my family, my crown, and my kingdom—for what?” She laughed a mirthless laugh. “To run away, with you? Don’t forget your place, ambassador.