Despite everything, I believe my parents loved me. I can see it in their eyes in this photograph. But their stupid pride got in the way of our relationship. They chose to sever our ties completely rather than be humiliated by having me parade around in front of their friends with my fatherless son.

Except now when I look down at this photograph, I think back to that day my father came out to see me in Queens. He drove for at least five straight hours to get to me because it was that important to him. For the first time, I wonder if his motivation wasn’t completely selfish.

Can’t you just trust us for once, Brooke? We’re doing this for your own good.

He almost seemed…

Afraid.

But that’s silly. There was nothing to be afraid of. Shane was behind bars at that point, for the rest of his life. There was no way he could get to me. I was safe from that man.

And I still am.

Chapter 21

ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER

After you have had sex with your boyfriend for the first time, the absolute last thing you want to hear him say is, “Shit.” Well, maybe “I have herpes” would be slightly higher on the list, but this isn’t good either.

“What?” I say. “What’s wrong?”

Shane rolls off of me, sweaty and flushed. I had been so scared before, but there was nothing to be scared of. He was sweet and considerate, always making sure I was okay and that everything felt good… or at least not bad. I don’t know if I would say it was mind-blowing, but it was pretty good for my first time. And now this is the part where he is supposed to be holding me and telling me how much he loves me and still respects me, but instead, he looks decidedly perturbed.

“What?” I press him.

“I think…” He frowns. “I think the condom came off.”

“What?”

“I’m not sure,” he says quickly. “But… well, it’s off. And I didn’t take it off. So I’m kind of wondering when it came off and…”

“Shit,” I say.

My head is spinning. I’m seventeen years old. I can’t be pregnant at seventeen years old. I have plans for the next ten years of my life, none of which involve a screaming child. I want to go to college. Graduate school. I want to travel the world. Oh my God, this is bad.

“Don’t freak out, Brooke,” Shane says. “It’ll be okay.”

I feel like I can hardly breathe. “How exactly will it be okay?”

“Look.” He grabs my arm, which is trembling. “It was just one time. I’m not even sure if it came off. I’m sure it will be okay.”

“You’re kidding me. Girls get pregnant all the time from ‘just one time.’”