“If I can help, of course I should go.”

“That’s not what I asked, Wanda.”

I was quiet for a moment, trying to remember his question to see how I’d gotten it wrong.

“See, Jeb? She never takes into account her own wants—her own happiness, her own health, even. She’d do anything we asked her to, even if it got her killed. It’s not fair to ask her things the way we’d ask each other. We stop to think about ourselves. She doesn’t.”

It was quiet. No one answered Ian. The silence dragged on until I felt compelled to speak for myself.

“That’s not true,” I said. “I think about myself all the time. And I… I want to help. Doesn’t that count? It made me so happy to help Jamie tonight. Can’t I find happiness the way I want to?”

Ian sighed. “See what I mean?”

“Well, I can’t tell her she can’t go if she wants to,” Jeb said. “She’s not a prisoner anymore.”

“But we don’t have to ask.”

Jared was very quiet through all this. Jamie was quiet, too, but I was pretty sure he was asleep. I knew Jared wasn’t; his hand was tracing random patterns on the side of my face. Glowing, burning patterns.

“You don’t need to ask,” I said. “I volunteer. It really wasn’t… frightening. Not at all. The other souls are very kind. I’m not afraid of them. It was almost too easy.”

“Easy? Cutting your —”

I interrupted Ian quickly. “That was an emergency. I won’t have to do that again.” I paused for a second. “Right?” I checked.

Ian groaned. “If she goes, I’m going, too,” he said in a bleak tone. “Someone has to protect her from herself.”

“And I’ll be there to protect the rest of us from her,” Kyle said with a chuckle. Then he grunted and said, “Ow.”

I was too tired to lift my head to see who had hit Kyle now.

“And I’ll be there to bring you all back alive,” Jared murmured.

CHAPTER 47: Employed

CHAPTER 47

Employed

This is too easy. It’s not really even fun anymore,” Kyle complained.

“You wanted to come,” Ian reminded him.

He and Ian were in the windowless back of the van, sorting through the nonperishable groceries and toiletries I’d just collected from the store. It was the middle of the day, and the sun was shining on Wichita. It was not as hot as the Arizona desert, but it was more humid. The air swarmed with tiny flying bugs.

Jared drove toward the highway out of town, carefully keeping below the speed limit. This continued to irritate him.

“Getting tired of shopping yet, Wanda?” Ian asked me.

“No. I don’t mind it.”

“You always say that. Isn’t there anything you mind?”