Christopher On one condition: that you take a photograph of Margaret here too.

Margaret Christopher!

Perkins My pleasure, Sir. All our computations are made in millimetres in accordance with guidelines laid down by the London Anthropological Institute; even though the Frankfurt Congress – to which most of our anthropometrist brothers subscribe – would prefer that we take our –

Richard Perkins.

Perkins Sir.

Richard Let’s commence. You first, child (Maisie). Yes, you – you – you.

Maisie is frightened and does not move.

Christopher Don’t be nervous, Maisie. Nothing to it. Just a few measurements.

Richard Stand up straight as Perkins showed you. Feet together – arms wide. Don’t let your hands go limp, child! Keep them parallel to the ground.

Christopher Like this, Maisie.

Tommy Pretend you’re a scarecrow, Maisie.

Richard takes the measurement efficiently and brusquely. He has done this hundreds of times.

Richard That’s it. (Calls.) Span – 1670. Sit down – yes – on the chair – sit! – sit! (Calls.) Cephalic: length – 196; breadth – 151. Lift your face. (Calls.) Height – 127; circumference – 550.

Margaret Good girl, Maisie.

Richard (calls) Facial: length – 123; breadth – 137.

Perkins Breadth – 137.

Christopher You’re doing splendidly, Maisie.

Tommy By God she is!

Richard Stop fidgeting! (Calls.) Nasal: length – 54; breadth – 31. Let’s see the eyes. (Calls.) Ocular: internal – 27; external – 88. Get to your feet. Up straight – shoulders back – body stiff. (Calls.) Body height – 1660. (Calls.) Hair – brown.

Perkins Hair – brown.

Richard (calls) Eyes – hazel grey. And that’s it.

Margaret I love your dress, Maisie.

Christopher Isn’t it pretty?

Richard Wasn’t too arduous, was it? Next!

Christopher Well done indeed, Maisie.

Richard (to Mary) You’re next, Madam, aren’t you?

Tommy Take me next, boss. I’m rearing for it. Tommy Boyle’s your prime man.

Richard Madam, please.

Christopher Nothing to it, Mary. (to Margaret) You know Mary Sweeney?

Margaret I know her people.

Richard (to Tommy) Get back into line.

Tommy Major, I –

Richard (to Mary) Come on, Madam, come on!

Mary Sweeney steps forward.

Mary (wheedling) You’ll pay me money, Sir, won’t you? Just a few coppers. I’m only a widow-woman.

Richard You’ll get a photograph like everybody else. Feet together – head up – shoulders back.

Con Doherty emerges from the thicket left. He stands unnoticed and watches Mary Sweeney being measured.

Mary It’s money I need, Sir.

Richard (calls) Span – 1703. Sit down – yes – there! Sit! Sit!

Mary The man’s dead since Easter last and I’m alone with six wee ones and it’s money I need to put a crust on the –

Richard Don’t look at me. Look straight ahead.

Tommy Hold your head up, Mary, and stare at Perkins. Right, Major?

Mary A couple of coppers is all I’m asking for, Sir, just to –

Richard Quiet, please!

Christopher And you’ll get them, Mary. Margaret will take care of you.

Margaret As soon as this is over, Mary.