Christopher Greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Mary There’s no food in the house and there’s six young –

Christopher And welcome to The Lodge. (to Tommy) And who have we here?

Tommy How are you doing, Major?

Christopher Thank you, I am doing well. And what is your name?

Tommy Tommy Boyle – from out beside Lough Anna.

Christopher And a most beautiful place that is, too. And in your bare feet! Aren’t you a virile chappie?

Tommy What does that mean?

Christopher It means you’re a robustly masculine young man.

Tommy (to all) That doesn’t sound too bad at all, does it?

Christopher You are, too.

Tommy Bejaysus, that’ll do me. And not a shoe on my foot!

Christopher And a little saucy, too, I suspect.

Tommy Saucy Tommy Boyle from Lough Anna! Virile Tommy Boyle from Lough Anna! Bejaysus, Major, you’ve the right man here for whatever the job is.

Christopher I’m not a major, Thomas.

Tommy Neither am I too. So there’s a pair of us in it, isn’t there?

Margaret arrives at the French windows and watches on.

Mary Sir, I’m a widow-woman; and there’s six young ones in the house; and the man’s dead for over four months; and I can’t –

Christopher We’ll come to that in time, Mary. (to Maisie) And you’re most welcome, too. And what is your name?

What Maisie says is inaudible.

Christopher Didn’t catch that.

Margaret Maisie McLaughlin.

Christopher Welcome, Maisie McLaughlin.

Tommy How are you doing, Maggie? Are you rightly?

Christopher And look at that amazing head of curls.

Tommy (to Margaret) It’s Tommy Boyle, from Lough Anna; Thomas to you!

Margaret I know.

Christopher (to Margaret) Aren’t they wonderful? (to Maisie) Are they natural, Maisie?

Silence.

Margaret Don’t be silly, Christopher.

Tommy They might be natural, Major, but bejaysus they’re not virile!

Christopher (icily) Yes. Splendid. Now – introductions. Dr Gore, cousin Richard, all the way from the home place in Kent. Dr Richard is the man who is going to classify us all, ha-ha. And his assistant, Perkins. As for myself, you’ll all have seen me pottering around Ballybeg over the years, haven’t you? … And that’s about all there is to say, isn’t it …?

Johnny MacLoone enters right. Hand outstretched, Christopher goes to meet him.

Ah! Another volunteer! Come along, Sir. Come and join us. And welcome you are, too. Don’t think I recognise the face and I should, shouldn’t I? Certainly not a tenant – that I do know.

Silence.

Can you assist us, Margaret?

Margaret No.

Christopher (to Johnny) You’ll have to help me out. How did you hear about our little exercise?

Silence.

Richard Can we get started, Chris?

Christopher By all means. Dr Richard will explain what he proposes to do.

Richard No, he won’t. That’s Perkins’s job.

Tommy Good man, Perkins!

Christopher (softly, to Richard) I did promise you, didn’t I? And not one of them is a tenant of mine.

Richard So?

Christopher So have a little more faith, cousin.