He gave no indication that her words had stung, but she sensed that they had. He drew himself up to loom over her in the shadowed light of the barn, seeming even taller than the few inches over six feet that she guessed him to be. She sensed that he wanted to touch her, but his arms were flexed rigidly at his sides. “Am I to be given an explanation? I heard what you said to Despenser. Was that just an excuse?”

She felt heat rising to her cheeks, embarrassed that he’d overheard that part of the conversation. Claiming there was someone else had been an excuse—a way to divert Sir Hugh—but it had also happened to be true. She did want Alex, and her feelings had made continuing the pretense with Sir Hugh impossible.

She would find another way to get the information she needed. But it would not be from him.

She did not need to feign discomfort. “I thought it would be easier if I gave him a reason.”

Alex’s eyes flared. He lost the rein on his control and reached out with one hand to take her by the arm. His fingers burned like a brand upon her skin. “Do you deny that there is something between us?”

“Nay.” Hating what she was about to say, but knowing it must be said, she added, “But that is hardly unusual, and I find it never lasts long.”

He flinched as if she’d struck him. The cold white lines etched around his mouth almost made her shiver. “I see.”

Clearly, he did, and knowing what he must think of her made her ill. But it was better this way.

He let his hand drop with hard finality, relinquishing her arm and his hold on her.

She felt the loss like a knife in the chest. Feeling the urge to explain, she started, “It’s just that . . .” What . . . what could she say? “I like my life, Sir Alex. I see no reason to change it.”

It was true. Lachlan was wrong. She wasn’t sad or lonely. She was alone by choice. Her work was what mattered—all that mattered—and whatever happiness she needed would come from that.

But which one of them was she trying to convince?

A gallant knight to the end, Alex gave her a short bow of his head before leaving her alone. Just as she’d wanted.

Chapter 11

11

ALEX WAS ALREADY leading his horse out of the stable—trying not to think about what had happened there the day before—when Pembroke intercepted him. “You will not be riding out with us today. For the next few days I need you down by the river overseeing the loading of supplies onto the ships.”

He had to be jesting. But it was clear he wasn’t.