It seemed inconceivable that any respectable man would want her under her present circumstances, let alone a paragon of righteousness and moral certainty like Sir Galahad. That he did moved her—and tempted her—far more than it should. For one illogical moment she let herself wonder if it were possible. If she could let herself be courted by this man who had already made her feel more than she thought capable—and more than she wanted. The man who’d filled her girlish dreams of handsome golden knights in shining armor since the first time she’d seen him all those years ago. Could she open her heart? Try to have some semblance of a normal life that she’d thought impossible?

The longing was so strong that it took her a moment to come back to reality. But when she did it was with a hard thud. Good gracious, why was she even thinking about this? It was impossible. She’d made her choice years ago. There was no going back. Nor would she. What she was doing was too important. She was in a position—a unique position—to help the cause that she’d devoted her life to. Bruce needed her; there was no one else who could do what she did. And they were so close—closer than they’d ever been before. She couldn’t do anything to risk that with a potentially war-ending battle approaching.

And Alex Seton was definitely a risk. She couldn’t let herself forget who he was. He wasn’t just any knight, he was a former member of the Highland Guard who was searching for the spy—her—in the English midst. If she allowed herself to get close to him, how long would it take him to discover her secret? What would he do if he learned she was a part of the very team he’d betrayed? She had no doubt that whatever he might feel for her now would change if he learned the truth. The always-do-what-is-right knight would probably feel honor-bound to turn her in.

She couldn’t take that chance.

But it wasn’t just that they were on opposite sides, even if he didn’t know it. Joan also knew that she would never be able to live up to his standards. He lived in a world of gallant knights and chivalry, of innocent maidens who needed rescue, of right and wrong, and black and white. Joan’s world was gray, where people did what they had to do. She wasn’t innocent or maidenly. And one day, probably sooner rather than later, she would disappoint him.

Still, it was harder than it should be to get the words out. “Don’t,” she said softly, and then more firmly, “Don’t make it your concern.”