Joan was quiet for a moment, keenly aware of her own “subterfuge” and role as a spy. “What did you hope to accomplish?”

“I thought I might be able to get Edward to see the value in negotiation—that much could be gained from recognizing Bruce as king. But I underestimated how much of his father he has in him,” Alex admitted. “Perhaps it was naive to think one person could do anything.”

Strangely, Joan understood. It fit with the old-time knight in shining armor. Alex expected the rest of the world to act and think like him. To be reasonable. To have the same honor and principles. But he was bound to be disappointed. Idealism had no place in war. “War isn’t knights riding in tournaments, it’s dirty and unpleasant. You have to fight with the weapons you have, even if it sometimes makes you uncomfortable.” It sounded as if she was trying to defend her own actions. “And it isn’t just the Scots who fight dirty,” she pointed out. “The justice Edward dispensed to my mother was a far cry from honorable or chivalrous.”

From the way his mouth set in a hard line, she could tell he didn’t want to hear what she was saying. “I know that. Believe me, I heard as much from my old partner—over and over.” He was referring to Boyd, and she could hear the deep-seated frustration and anger in his voice. “But there is no perfect answer. I had to do something—something that might have a chance of making a difference—and I did what I thought was right at the time.”

At the time. Perhaps she was reading too much into the words—grasping at any thread to hold on to—but still it gave her hope where there had been none. “Do you ever regret it?”

He was so quiet at first she thought he hadn’t heard her. But when he looked over at her, the bleakness in his eyes betrayed him. “It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Breaking my vow to the king, who was like a brother to mine, betraying men whom I’d fought with like brothers for almost seven years—” He stopped. The rawness of his voice left her with no doubt that even now he felt the weight of that decision. “But at the time I made the only decision I could. God knows, I wasn’t doing any good there; I thought I might be able to do more from the other side.”

Beneath the emotion, she heard the frustration. “And have you?”

His smile was almost pained. “Like I said, I may have overestimated my ability to persuade and Edward’s ability to listen to reason. But I haven’t given up. Besides, regret would serve no purpose. I can never go back.”