He gave her a wry grimace. “The flames were licking at her skirts when I reached her. She was black with smoke and terrified, but otherwise unhurt.” He gave a harsh laugh. “She’d been playing with a kitten in the loft where she wasn’t supposed to be and thought the men were her father’s. But that was when I knew I couldn’t go on doing what I was doing. I had to do something different. Something that would put an end to the raiding, to the suffering, and to the pain experienced by the innocents who were bearing the brunt of the war.”

Her hand squeezed. “Oh, Alex. I’m sorry. But why fight for the English? The same thing could have happened had you been with them. The Scots aren’t the only ones who burn down barns.”

“Aye,” he admitted bitterly. “There is plenty of dishonor to go around. But I didn’t see how I could put an end to all of it by doing what I was doing. Breaking my vow to Bruce and to the—” He stopped, but she knew what he’d been about to say. To the Guard. “To his men,” he corrected, “was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I couldn’t see any other way out.” He gave a halfhearted shrug. “I’m sure some of them were glad to see me go. I never really fit in.”

How could he say that? Did he not realize how much his leaving had devastated the others? But she wasn’t supposed to know that. Instead she asked, “Why?”

He thought for a moment. “The men I was fighting with had a different line in the sand. They were willing to do whatever it took to win; I was not. I wanted to win, but not at the expense of being able to look myself in the mirror when it was all over. And secret warfare, lying in wait, hiding in fox holes, and subterfuge didn’t feel much like winning to me. They may have given Bruce a foothold, but it became clear to me that pirate warfare wasn’t going to win the war. The only way for Bruce to do that was to take the field. Which was something he refused to do. Why would he when he could go on forever as he was? Forever wasn’t something I could accept. I couldn’t watch my people suffer for it any longer.” He shrugged again, almost as if he were embarrassed. “I saw two choices: I could stay fighting with Bruce doing the same thing for years and hope that there was a Borders left when it was finally all over, or I could go somewhere where I could actually do something that might end it. I thought that by coming here I could do some good.” His mouth curved. “Apparently, I overestimated my powers of persuasion.”