‘Like, is there anything anyone could have done to prevent what happened to Yin? What did she go through before she died? Was she scared? What was she thinking about? Did she think about her family, or me even? Did she hate me?’

I stop, because I’m starting to get worked up, the tears creep in from the corners and threaten me. I don’t tell him my strangest thoughts, just the more normal ones.

‘That’s a lot to cope with, hon,’ Dad says. ‘But they’re all very reasonable things to think about. I think it’s especially hard because they haven’t caught anyone yet. There’s no closure.’

I put my head down on the dash in front of me. ‘My brain is so tired. I’m so tired. I can’t get a break.’

‘You’ve been so strong.’ Dad pats my hair gently. ‘I know you’re exhausted.’

‘What do I do?’

‘I can only tell you what works for me. Sometimes I distract myself if I’m overwhelmed, and sometimes I go into the feelings, talk to someone about them. Both things work, at different times. And I keep people close around me, even when I’m not in the mood.’

I lift my head up. ‘Does that mean you think I should go back to school this week?’

Somehow I’m stuck on going back to school, even though there’s no real dread in it. I don’t mind seeing that complainer Petra, I’m not scared of any of the teachers, and Claire and Milla and I made our peace at the memorial service.

‘Not if you don’t want to. Take all the time you need. But maybe a bit of routine might help. Doctor Radcliffe is going to talk to you about all of this, and I’m always here for you. You’re absolutely not on your own.’

‘I already hate Doctor Radcliffe,’ I say with all the passion I can muster.

‘I know,’ he says and I suppose he probably does know. He finds a park close to the doctor’s fancy consulting rooms and switches the engine off. He reaches out and we hug extremely awkwardly over the gearstick.

‘Love you,’ he says quickly.

CHLOE

DAY 77

Natalia’s house is overwhelming—lush cream and beige everything, carpet that’s pillowy underfoot, abstract art on the walls—but at least her bedroom is relatively ordinary, if you ignore the fact that she has her own en suite bathroom.

It’s awkward at first, of course, in the way that it’s always awkward when you first go to someone’s house. Natalia hasn’t been to school for weeks, and the last time I saw her was standing up at the pulpit for Yin’s memorial service.