My voice wobbles and I sound truthful. I sound like I’m telling everything and I am telling almost all I can. I feel naked enough with my lack of hair and all the truth. But there’s more that I hold back for myself and Yin only, the bits of us that no one else will ever touch or hear about. And I have to do that to survive, I have to keep the precious parts of our friendship for me, for us.

I breathe in deeply, look up at the high ceilings and there, among the rafters and stained-glass windows, I find something new.

It was Yin who found other people to hang out with first in Year Seven.

She was in a form room with Claire and Milla, I was in another. Yin tried to get me to join up and make a group of four with them, but they were all into music and I wasn’t. There was a terrifying lag of a week when I had no friends at all, and then I hit it off with Ally and the rest is history, history with a bad ending.

Maybe I was a bit cold to her for a while, but it was because I could tell she wanted to move away from me and towards other people, and I was immature and didn’t know how to cope.

Something lifts off me, something releases.

I still feel sorrow for her, but now, I’m also sorry for myself. For everything I’ve lost.

There’s a few more things typed on my crumpled bit of paper, but I’m done.

Part of me was hoping I would sense Yin’s presence here, that there would be light and colour and whispers somewhere out there, but there’s cold emptiness and that’s okay. All I want to do is go home and lay out the entire contents of our suitcase on my bed and spend the afternoon with her.

CHLOE

DAY 70

hi chloe

quick question: are you interested in being part of a group show? my friends and I are putting on an exhibition at my friend’s warehouse. call me. we’d love to have you be part of it.

Ax

‘Chloe! You called!’

‘Uh huh.’ I’m on the line, but I’m nervous as all hell. Adut and I have exchanged a few emails but this is our first time speaking on the phone.

‘I’m so pleased you got back to me. Hang on.’ I think I hear a tram bell in the background, air whistling all around. ‘Sorry, I’m getting off the road and putting my headphones in…How are you doing, Chloe?’

‘Good, thanks.’