I sigh. They’re not wrong. ‘I know I need to get the fun back. I just don’t know how.’

Adut said everything she could to take the pressure off and followed up with an encouraging email, like she’s the nicest person in the world, but still.

There’s a round of screams from inside the house. We all lift our heads up in alarm. The glow from the television is visible through the glass doors. Liana’s dad, brothers, nieces, nephews and cousins form animated shadows in front of the rugby match.

‘They need to calm down or someone’s going to have a coronary,’ Liana remarks. She’ll only watch women’s sports, that’s her rule, meaning she lies outside on the trampoline a lot on weekends.

How can I keep art fun but still handle this burning need to say something?

I’ve been thinking about Natalia’s art pieces, the seventies models with their mouths scratched out. I know she thinks they’re sloppy and a lazy joke, something she did at the last minute to hand in, but they still spoke to me, somehow.

And the conversation I had with Petra about her chain email has stuck with me too; how she was so scared she wanted to do something to warn us, to help us, to increase our chances, to cope with the uncontrollable fact of Yin being missing.

‘There actually is this new thing I want to do, that has me kind of interested…’ I shift about because Katie’s head on my leg has made it go to sleep. ‘It’s kind of an extension of what Natalia and I did. I want to do a new photo shoot, with these girls I know at Balmoral—’

‘Do it!’ says Katie.

‘You don’t even know what I’m going to say yet.’ I jiggle my leg, making us all bounce. ‘It’s about choosing how you show yourself to the world, like being in control of how others see you. I think.’

‘Are you going to use Natalia as your model again?’

‘Maybe. I mean, she also makes a good assistant. Her visual sense is great, she’s just too disorganised to do her own thing.’

‘Ha!’ says Katie. ‘I can relate.’

‘Get her on the phone.’ Liana slides my phone across the bouncy fabric. ‘Do video. I want to actually meet her.’

‘Now? Nah, she’s got a lot to cope with at the moment.’

‘Yeah, exactly,’ Katie says. ‘Maybe she wants to think about something different for a change.’

I’m surprised, but I call her anyway.

When Natalia’s face appears on my screen I say, ‘How are you going?’ because the memorial service was only yesterday.

‘Average,’ she says. ‘Where are you?’

I sweep my phone around so she can see the stars, the trampoline, the Fifitas’ overgrown backyard. ‘With some friends.’