It takes me a moment to realise that she means her text message. ‘It’s not weird at all. First the—the—’ my throat practically closes up, it’s impossible to say ‘gravesite’ and I don’t even know if that’s the right phrase for a place where a body isn’t placed respectfully and intentionally. ‘The park sounded intense. And now you’ve got to get through the memorial tomorrow. It’s a lot.’

There’s a public vigil for Yin tonight, on the steps of Parliament. It might have even already started. I overheard a few Balmoral girls say they were going, even though there’s no official school presence, it’s more for the city itself. I never thought about how a whole city might need to grieve. The memorial tomorrow is going to be enough for me; I can’t imagine mourning among thousands of people.

‘Thanks. I called Ally too much in the first few days when I couldn’t do anything but lock myself in my room and cry. That poor girl had to listen to me ugly-crying for hours.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ is all I can think to say.

It’s not enough, but I have no idea how to behave. Talking openly about our emotions is not something I thought I’d find myself doing with Natalia, but I make myself do it.

‘And I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate your petition enough. And your protest, too.’

‘You heard about that?’

‘I did…Bochen sent me a photo.’

Natalia standing in the school lobby, all dressed in black and holding a sign, with a fierce look on her face. I guess any gossip about her protest got lost quickly among the awful news.

‘What are you doing, Cardell?’

‘Right now?’

I look at my work spread across the floor. Mum has taken Sam out for dinner so I can have some peace and quiet. I’ve commandeered every spare surface in our kitchen and living areas. I wasn’t in the mood to trek across town to the studio at Dad’s house. Streets, train stations, bus stops, parkland—ever since Yin’s body was found they all seem like they could be hiding bad men, all over again.

‘Don’t get worried, but I did something to our picture.’

I hope this doesn’t seem callous to her, that I’m making art while she’s been visiting the place where Yin was found. ‘I had a revelation. Or I think I did. I’ve pulled it apart.’

In bed last night I was thinking about something Lisbeth said—that it was horrific to find out what had happened to Yin, but it was a relief that the wondering was over. It made me think more about the limbo that we’ve been in, everyone at Balmoral, but especially our year level.