‘Madam,’ she cried, supporting me against her. ‘I was in such a fear for you. I knew not when you would return!’ I rested my head against her shoulder and in that instant it felt to me like the softest pillow my cheek had ever touched. ‘Oh, madam, what misery, what crimes were committed today!’ she exclaimed. At first I believed she referred to my expulsion from the Palais-Royal, but then she continued breathlessly, ‘The Convention has voted for the King’s death. Monsieur d’Orléans has condemned his cousin! Oh, what horrors!’ she gasped. Her voice echoed through the passage until I hushed her, frantically.

Beyond that, beyond falling upon my bed, I recall nothing more. Indeed, were it possible to tear free that entire day from my memory like a page, I would not hesitate to do it. I would commit all I heard and sensed to the flames, and watch it turn to ash. For in doing so, I believe it would have cauterized the wound in my soul and prevented its spread.

Chapter 26

I CANNOT SAY when precisely I became sensible of the noise beyond my bedchamber. I heard, at first, loud banging from some distant place. As the bed curtains had not yet been parted, I was unaware of the time. I lay there for some moments before I heard the door open and Lucy whisper to me:

‘Madam, pray, are you waked?’

‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘What is the matter?’

‘We must dress you, madam. There are guards come.’

I sat up at once, my heart racing. Lucy drew wide the curtains. There I beheld for the first time my assortment of boxes and baskets ranged about the room. So fraught with exhaustion had I been that I had failed to perceive them the night before. My maid moved about between them as she assisted me off with my nightshift and dressed me in haste.

‘Why are they here? Did they tell you?’

‘Yes,’ she replied anxiously. ‘They have come to make a search.’

Immediately I began to think what there might be to incriminate my household. I had not been present here since August, the day when I met with Mrs Elliot. Certainly, I thought, I had nothing of any consequence to hide.

‘Thérèse has said they have come before . . .’

‘Thérèse!’ I exclaimed, remembering all at once what Mrs Elliot had revealed to me. She had had the audacity to place a spy beneath my very roof. I turned to Lucy with a fearful look. She had been pulling my stays tight around me but paused when she caught sight of my expression.

‘They never find anything, madam,’ she continued uneasily.