‘What?’

‘The baby.’ I am going to have a half-sibling. Dad is going to run off and take care of it. I am also going to have a new stepmother, who is younger than I am. Will a stiff drink make me feel better or worse right now?

‘Oh no, she lost the baby. She was so upset that he’d offered her money for an abortion, then devastated when she miscarried.’

‘Oh no, poor Serena,’ I say without thinking. ‘Sorry, I mean, I know …’

Mum smiles, it’s a sad smile. ‘No, you’re right, you lovely girl, it is poor Serena. I mean, I know she shouldn’t have slept with a married man, but I do feel sorry for her. It must have been awful; I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. That’s what they were arguing about in that photograph! She pushed him in a fountain. She’d gone to do the decent thing and let him know she’d lost their child and he was totally insensitive, said it was probably for the best or something like that.’

‘What?’ How could he say it was for the best? What kind of man does that? I could never imagine Noah saying anything like that. Although thinking back, things Dad didn’t approve of always went wrong ‘for the best’.

‘Poor girl.’ Mum shakes her head. ‘Oh, Rosie. Why did I never realise he was such a total hard-hearted bastard?’ I think that is a rhetorical question. ‘But it still shocked me that he could treat somebody else like that, so carelessly, somebody he’d slept with!’

Why, oh why didn’t I listen to Noah when he tried to show me what my father was really like? He could see him clearly; he could see beyond the father figure I’d always been desperate to love and look up to.

Love is blind, don’t they say? And a child’s love for their parent has to be the most innocent, pure, and easy to influence of the lot.

Not even Noah could have known he was actually this bad though.

I’d never realised quite how badly he’d treated me, the mental abuse he’d thrown at me – because I’d always thought he knew best. I’d always trusted him, believed in him. But it is nothing compared to the way he’s treated the girls he’s gone out with. He hasn’t cared about them at all. Maybe he hates women. Maybe he just doesn’t care about anybody but himself.

If I told Noah, he’d … I can’t tell Noah. He’s gone. There’s a yawning gap. I won’t be able to tell him anything ever again. He’ll never forgive me, because I said so much that wasn’t true. I hit out because it was easier to hit out at him than Dad. I’ve been a total idiot.

‘Did Dad really show you up, Mum?’

‘Oh yes, he was subtle mind you, nothing other people would pick up on. He’s very good at undermining your confidence.’ She gives me a knowing look.