‘No, I’m not!’

‘I hope he was worth it.’ She laughs.

‘I could have been out with Bea!’

‘Ah, but you weren’t, were you?’

I don’t quite know what has happened to Mum. She’s being weird, weirder than normal. ‘You’re not, well, ill or anything are you, Mum?’

‘I’m not planning on dropping dead any time soon, if that’s what you mean. I just want a bit of fun, to live a bit. I’m thinking of Botox, and bootcamp.’

Oh God, she has got more energy than me.

‘I’ve been telling you all your life to do things for yourself, not some man, and everything I do is for your bloody father!’

‘Don’t swear, Mum!’

‘Oh he makes me want to swear at times. I mean, I went out with him in the first place because my friend said “go out with him and you’ll never have a boring life!” I mean she was right, we didn’t, but now I even watch what he wants on the TV, you know. Even when he’s not here! So he’s only got himself to blame for this.’

‘What, Mum? You’ve lost me.’ Normally Mum is pretty lucid, but she seems kind of hyper today. Everything is at double speed.

She sighs. ‘I saw him on this documentary thing.’ She has slowed down and sounds a bit defeated. It was nicer when she was speeding. ‘I only got a brief glimpse of him, at this opening night of some opera or something. He wasn’t featured or anything, just a face in the crowd.’

‘And?’ I can hear the blood pounding in my ears, it’s just the way she says it. Matter of fact but so deliberate it’s scary.

‘I double checked the date, but I was right, it was my birthday. He told me he had a life-changing audition and so I forgave him.’

‘Oh.’

‘I’ve turned into a right doormat and it isn’t who I really am. Be yourself but better is my new thing!’ Her voice has lifted again, and she sounds genuinely happy, not put-on happy. Strong.

‘You’re beginning to sound like Noah.’ I can’t help but smile.

‘Noah? Ahh! He’s your man. I like him already! And he gave you a hangover and made you all wound up, which is more than Robbie ever did.’

‘I am not wound up!’

She laughs again. ‘I do love you, Rosie.’

‘I love you too.’ I say, not quite able to hide the fact I am slightly miffed.

‘I didn’t give you a shit upbringing, did I?’

‘Only when you wouldn’t let me have supersize popcorn at the cinema.’

‘I shouldn’t have followed your dad round like I did. I could have scarred you for life.’

Scared for life more like. ‘I wouldn’t have seen him if we hadn’t! And you wanted to be with him.’

‘God knows why I’ve put up with him for so long.’

I stare at my feet. ‘Because of me?’

‘Oh heavens, none of this is your fault! I mean, I did want you to have two parents when you grew up, that was my decision. But honestly, Rosie,’ her tone softens, ‘he wasn’t the best example of fatherhood, well manhood, in the world. A man can be fun and flirty without feeling the need to get into every passing pair of knicker—’