Did he stay the whole night? My view of his face was distorted by water running down the window, but I could see that his eyes were closed. I had no clue how long he had been there, sleeping in front of my house; my resolve to tell him to fuck off and never speak to me again was wavering, as I stared at his beautiful and calm face, nearly forgetting all of my feelings. I remembered this look from the nights we spent together. It made my chest ache. I wondered if he had slept okay. Ugh, for god’s sake, Karina! The logical part of my brain crushed the romantic part as I turned away and rushed across the street.

So what if he’d slept in his truck for one night? He was responsible for this massive hole in me and I was supposed to forgive him just because he made himself uncomfortable for one night? I’d been miserable without him—frankly, uncomfortable my entire life before him, so I hoped he slept like shit in his truck after all. Why should I feel bad for him? This was infuriating! The amount of empathy I had for him pissed me off. If only I could give myself the same grace that I tended to give other people.

The street was empty except for my neighbor Bradley’s truck. I took a few backward steps, scanning for Bradley as I crossed the street and moved into the alley. Water was suddenly squishing into my work shoes and was soaking me, but I really just didn’t care. I looked back at Kael’s truck through the rain. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was in there, and that was enough. I hated that for a moment I’d worried if he was cold inside his truck. Serves him right, I thought to myself, trying to let anger overpower the rest of my emotions. Immaturely, I lifted my middle finger into the air at him, and even though I knew he wouldn’t see it, it still felt like a tiny, victorious act of aggression.

“You need an umbrella? You’re goin’ to get sick out here like that!” Bradley’s voice startled me, and I snapped my hand back down to my side.

“I have one! Thanks!” I yelled back to him.

How mortifying if he saw me flip Kael off. I lifted my hands, realizing they both were bare. Sure enough, when I looked across the street, my umbrella was sitting opened on the pavement next to Kael’s truck. Shit.

“I’m okay!” I shouted through the pouring rain. No way in hell was I going to go back and get it now.

Bradley’s face showed concern, but he left it at that, yelling back a simple “If you say so!” before he climbed into his truck.