What I felt for Kael was something between sweet infatuation and total annihilation. It was powerful and raw. He was as fierce as an animal, and yet so kind and gentle. He was a bundle of contradictions. Even so, it felt secure and calm to be with him, not the chaos that being in love advertised. I was happy in this moment, when I stopped thinking about the short time we would have together. It was terrifying to let my guard down, but it was thrilling to immerse myself in this intimacy with Kael.

As he slept on my chest, and again when he woke up in the middle of the night asking for someone named Nielson, then shouting Phillip’s name, he was drenched in sweat. He pulled me close to hug him, moved my hair from my ear, and whispered: “Run.”

A chill went through my entire body, but I didn’t move. I hugged him back and gently rubbed his shoulder, telling him that everything would be okay, even if I knew that was a promise I couldn’t deliver. Kael’s war trauma made my problems and worries feel small and insignificant. I made a commitment to myself that, because of Kael, I would confront my fears and stop letting the terrible unknown control everything. I deserved to let go and live—really live. And he deserved the version of me who didn’t need an answer to every question.

We had spent all the prior afternoon, evening, and night in bed, then finally it was Sunday morning and I had to go to work in the late afternoon. I absolutely had to show up today, or Mali would probably come to my house and drag me to the spa herself. Kael and I had baked Elodie’s can of cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I made a pot of coffee that tasted like shit, but I drank it anyway. The rolls were gooey and warm and yummy, even sweeter when Kael kissed me with the faint taste of icing on his lips.

“When this ends, what do we do?” I asked flatly.

“What ends?” He was quiet as the seconds ticked by, but I sensed he knew exactly what I was talking about. “We remember this,” he finally said, sealing his words with a kiss.

I had lost count of them at this point. I wanted to start all over and have another first, second, third kiss with him.