“I knew those hordes we were fighting would come east,” he continues. “I knew it was only a matter of time. I was trying to do what I thought was right for us—what it would take for us both to survive as we always have.”

“This whole time it’s been about Catcher?” I ask.

“No.” He shakes his head. “That was pure luck.”

“Then why didn’t you hand him over when you had the chance? Catcher said you were running from the Recruiters. Why not just betray everyone then and be done with it?”

His shoulders sag and he won’t look me in the eye. “Because they’d have used Gabry to control him and I wouldn’t let them do that to her.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. “What do you think they’re doing with her now?” I shout. “With all of us? They’re using us to control him.”

“I know,” he whispers as if he’s ashamed. “I tried to figure out another way. I really did. But with the horde …” His voice trails off. “After Catcher and Gabry got away, the Recruiters took me back to Vista and the town revolted against them, forced us all out, and so we came back here. I was hoping to get to you before Catcher and Gabry made it to the City. I was hoping to warn you—to figure something out. But they found Gabry and took her and then I had no choice.”

He holds out a hand as if entreating me to believe him. “When I found out about the horde I tried to find another solution, but using Catcher was the only way to get you and Gabry into the Sanctuary.”

“You did what it took to survive?” I hiss, throwing Catcher’s words at him.

He just nods. “It’s what I’ve always done, Annah. It’s what we’ve always done.”

I close my eyes and press my knuckles to my lips, trying to make sense of everything. Elias is right—if we’d still been in the Dark City we’d either be dead or stranded. But that doesn’t make his lying to us—his betraying us—sting any less.

“How long have you been back?” I ask him. I don’t open my eyes but I hear him shift, the metallic plink of a few pins rolling along the concrete floor. He holds his breath and I hold mine, waiting for the answer.

It takes five steps for him to cross the room. He takes my shoulders in his hands and waits until I look up at him. His colorless eyes are so achingly familiar. “This way we can survive, Annah. Isn’t that what we’ve always struggled to do? Isn’t that what I promised you in the beginning, that I would make sure we both survived? The Recruiters can do that. Catcher can do that for us.”