“What don’t you have?” said Sofia. “You’re young, you’re fun, everyone likes hanging out with you. You’re creative—look what you’ve done in the shop. You’ve got famous guys chatting to you, you’ve got some lanky student hanging around. And yet you act like the world is so unfair just because you couldn’t be bothered to pass any exams at school and frankly it gets very boring, okay? Here’s the answer. I work my arse off. Federico works his arse off. I am exhausted all the time. I need Skylar, despite you being jealous of her, because she also works her arse off being a student and a nanny, and frankly, I need that for the children so they don’t end up . . .”

Her voice trailed off. Sofia never lost it. She bottled it up, she worked it out, she kept calm; she was professional, she was appropriate.

Carmen stared at her. “So they don’t end up like me,” she croaked, her breath gone.

“No. That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Yes, it was,” said Carmen. “Yes, it was.”

Sofia stared at her.

“Well, you’ve got it out now,” said Carmen. “So. Good to know, I suppose.”

“That’s not what I meant at all!” shouted Sofia, but Carmen had already turned and slammed out of the beautifully painted, decorated old door and without even saying goodbye to the children.

Chapter Thirty

The night was utterly freezing, and Carmen didn’t have the faintest clue where to go. The streets were full. She couldn’t believe that only forty-eight hours ago she had been so happy and full of excitement, playing with the children at the fair, then listening to that heavenly music. Now . . . Oh God. She could only imagine Sofia being on the phone to their mother immediately, getting her side of the story in, the pair of them agreeing with each other, saying, Oh well, isn’t Carmen just like that. Oh God, and then Skylar would get back and they could sit up gossiping—how did Sofia even know about Oke anyway? If it wasn’t for Skylar yammering on all the time . . .

Her fury kept her warm all the way up the street and into the Grassmarket. The bars and restaurants were overflowing, flooded with people laughing, hugging, pulling off coats, reveling in the Christmas spirit on this starry night, happy and full of goodwill toward men. Well, she bloody wasn’t. God.