You make it sound like I want to believe there is a Hell.

PASTOR

I think you’re choosing to believe in it

ASSOCIATE

choosing

PASTOR

yes.

ASSOCIATE

It’s not easy for me to believe in Hell.

PASTOR

Are you sure about that?

ASSOCIATE

I think for you, being a Christian is easy

PASTOR

no, it’s hard, it’s really—

ASSOCIATE

Your parents were Christians,

your parents’ parents—

everyone took you to church,

and everyone wanted to see you saved,

and for you, you had nothing to lose

by believing what you believed.

But ya know, I lost everything.

My parents—they didn’t believe

in what I believe.

I tried. Again and again, I tried

to bring them to Jesus,

wanted nothing more,

right up until the end,

I tried.

So that my mother, when she died,

I was there in the hospital,

standing by her side,

telling her about Jesus,

telling her what Jesus did for me.

I asked her, “Please please

hear what I have to say,

open your heart, just a little.”

And she said, “Baby, I don’t like how you sound

when you preach at me,”

she said, “When you talk Jesus talk,

you don’t sound like you.”

And I said, “That’s cuz I’m filled with the spirit.”

And she said, “No it’s just creepy is all.”

I said, “This is your last chance.”

I said, “Mama, listen:

any moment now, you’re gonna go,

and when you do,

I will never get to see you again.”

I said, “In the coming age, after I have also left this earth,

if you die a believer

we will be reunited,

and we will live together in eternity.”

I said, “Mama, don’t you want to see me again?”

And she said, “Yes, baby, yes, baby,

of course, I want nothing more.”

And I said,

“Then just say you believe, say it with me, say

‘I believe in Jesus, and I believe

He died for my sins,’ say it with me,”

and she said,

“I would like to say I believe,

but if I did it would be a lie”

I said,

“But maybe that’s enough—

Say you believe in the hope that

as you say you believe you will believe

and maybe you’ll truly believe.”

And she said,

“Honey, I am going, I am leaving this earth,

and I will not spend my final breath,

sayin’ a damn lie,”

and she said, “When I close my eyes,

my eyes won’t open again.

And when I close these eyes,

I’ll see black,

and there will never again be

anything but.”

And I said, “Please please please.”

And she said nothing.

And in a couple of seconds her eyes would

close …

But before her eyes closed and closed for good,

there was a moment,

a moment that was terror,

dread,

pain—

our eyes connected, and she saw me seeing her

fall,