and God will say—when it comes time to say the things he’ll say—

“Why did you fail him?”

“Why did you let him fall away?”

“Why did you not do everything you could to keep him from falling away?”

And so this is me, doing everything I can do,

but really, I’m afraid to do everything that I could do,

but I know I have to do everything I can do,

because I want to be with you forever.

By staying with you, I am making it easier.

Aren’t I?

It would be harder if I weren’t here.

PASTOR

…

(WIFE exits.)

(Enter ASSOCIATE.)

ASSOCIATE

They say

they say that people don’t attend the church anymore

PASTOR

attendance went down.

ASSOCIATE

They say your wife is leaving you.

PASTOR

where did people hear that—?

ASSOCIATE

they say your daughter is having a rough time at school

PASTOR

she’s doing better.

ASSOCIATE

They say the church has gone back into debt

PASTOR

we’ve hit a rough patch

ASSOCIATE

unable to pay for its staff

PASTOR

no, I’ve been paying folks out of my own savings

ASSOCIATE

unable to pay for the lights

PASTOR

okay well.

ASSOCIATE

They say—

The church’s board of elders—they said to me, “Will you come back?”

I said, “I don’t want to come back,”

they said, “Please think of coming back,”

I said, “No way,”

they said, “No,

no, we’re not asking you to come back as associate pastor.

We’re asking you to come back

as head pastor.”

PASTOR

… When did this happen—?

ASSOCIATE

A couple of days ago.

They said, “Don’t tell Paul,”

I said, “So you haven’t said to him what you said to me?”

They said, “No.”

I said, “That’s not right.”

I said, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this

if he doesn’t know what I know.”

I said, “It feels like I’m going behind his back.”

I said, “I’m gonna tell him.”

They said, “Don’t.”

I said nothing.

I thought you should know.

(Pause.)

PASTOR

Are you going to accept?

ASSOCIATE

What would I be accepting?

The people who stayed here wouldn’t have me.

You have characterized me

as being hateful

as being judgmental

as being

a bad Christian.

PASTOR

No, I don’t think I have

ASSOCIATE

many people have told me

PASTOR

I … never speak specifically about you

ASSOCIATE

I walk down the aisle here,

and the people who stayed

look at me with a look that says I am not welcome here.

PASTOR

I think that’s all in your head.

ASSOCIATE

You’ve made it out to sound like

what I believe is a cartoon Hell

with cartoon devils,

pitchforks and

well when you make it look like that,

it’s hard to take what I say seriously.

You make it sound like what I want is to see people punished

PASTOR

well do you?

ASSOCIATE