When I get back to the room, I’m surprised that Mandy is not sleeping. I set the food on her desk and sit on the edge of my bed. A few minutes later, she comes sulking in the room, not prancing like usual.

“Hey,” she says. “Why’d you get up so early? Heading to class or something?”

I motion toward her desk.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” she replies. “I’m fine. It’s fine. I don’t even really remember what happened last night. Was I really drunk?”

“Yea, your throw-up is still on the floor. I’m super grossed out by vomit so I didn’t clean it up.” I pause. “You also said something happened between you and Trevor. Something awful. Do you remember that at all?”

The electricity in her body shifts. Waves of emotion penetrate the atmosphere of the room, even though her face remains stone-cold. She sits down and starts eating.

“Oh, that was nothing,” she says. “I probably was just super emotional because my period is coming soon.”

I know she’s lying. I lied too after it happened to me. I change the subject, not wanting to push, unsure when she will be ready to face it.

“OK, then. Well, what do you have going on today? Anything fun?”

I straighten my bed and put away some loose clothes, trying to normalize the space between us despite the trauma.

“I don’t have any classes today so I’m just gonna do some studying and go for a run.”

I pretend to organize items in my closet, even though nothing is really out of place, just how I like it. I close the closet door after my mock organization and say, “Cool. Well, if you want to hang later, just let me know.”

She nods and continues scarfing down her breakfast. I grab my bag and head toward the door.

“Hey,” she says as I’m on my way out, “thanks.” She smiles, but not a regular smile. The smile of someone in need of a hug, but too afraid to ask.

I am surprised at her understated reaction. I thought all that prancing privilege would make her righteously indignant if anyone ever wronged her, but I guess this kind of violation takes our voice first, then everything else.

Earnell, Keli, Gabby, and I meet in Baker Library to study for midterm exams, which are now only three days away. We book a study room for the entire morning, and then I’ll have a session with Jennifer. We only have the room for a few hours, but we spend the first hour procrastinating.

“We should play a game of spades before we start studying,” Earnell suggests.

“Earnell, you are really just out of your mind,” Keli says. “I can’t handle your shenanigans this early in the morning. Find your center and relax.”