“Fools,” I say while continuing to take in the beauty of the clock tower and munch my chips. “How dare they try and dash the dreams of a savant”—a word I recently learned in Comp Lit—“from the inner city. We are already a rare and endangered species.” I’ll show Professor Cartwright, I say to myself triumphantly before shaking my head in disgust. I often engage in deep conversations with this tower, which briefly makes me feel like I belong here, even though I don’t really feel that way inside and the watching doesn’t help. I hilariously name the tower Matthew McConaughey to further amuse myself and distract from the deep discomfort churning in my core. I chose the whitest and cutest actor I could think of to channel the experience of being on a mostly white campus. I’m trying not to focus so much on race, but it’s hard when I feel so Black and out of place.

“You know what?” I ask Matthew defiantly. “I’m gonna ace all my classes, confront them both, and fling my transcript in their faces. I can’t wait to watch their shocked reactions.” I speak passionately, convincingly, but deep down I wonder if Professor Cartwright and Mr. Walsh are right. It’s still early in the semester, but I’m also struggling in other classes. “Crap,” I say, careening backward down a rabbit hole of self-pity. Will I be among the thirty percent of first-generation college students who flunk out? Why are the voices of the naysayers always the loudest? Why do I never feel good enough no matter how much I achieve? I sulk as students scurry to class all around me, unconcerned about my growing self-doubt and probably consumed by their own.

What the hell am I doing? This place is going to eat me alive. I concede my defeat. Then, Hark! The Defiance emerges. I knew they would come. They always show up when I doubt myself or am about to make a bad decision. They are my inner voice manifested as dramatic one-dimensional characters, reminding me of my own greatness. They are called the Defiance because they oppose all the negative messaging that has been programmed into my mind. Every Black girl needs a team of inner cheerleaders who can lift her spirits when the world tries to come for her.