“Well, weird things have been happening lately,” I say finally. “Unexplainable stuff. I mean I’m sure there must be an explanation, but I just can’t figure it out…” My voice trails off. “And a lot of hard shit happened to me back in Cleveland. I can’t remember most of it,” I say quickly, trying to mask my inflamed vulnerability. “The stuff I do remember, I wish I could forget.”

She scribbles

notes on the blank sheet of paper in front of her.

“What are you writing?” I ask.

Dean Harrison holds up her paper and says, “Nothing, just doodling.”

“I do the same thing in math class.”

“I know.”

Slightly confused about how she could “know,” I keep talking. “It helps soothe my mind.”

“So your mind is turbulent?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What are you saying, then? And how do you feel right now? Near or far?”

I don’t even ask her what she means. I give up trying to understand her riddles and quotes. I stare back at her, but again can’t hold the intensity of her gaze for long. She smiles at my discomfort and stands to pour more

tea into the green mug, which also spins counterclockwise, just like in Dean Harrison’s office. “Do you want some chocolate or biscuits?” Jennifer asks.

I shake my head no. She takes more notes, then begins speaking.

“Based on everything you’ve told me,” Jennifer says, “I think I have a preliminary diagnosis of what’s going on with you. It looks like complex PTSD.”

“What’s that?”

“It stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It just means you’ve suffered a lot of trauma in your life that you need to heal from. There was a study a while back that said PTSD rates in inner-city Chicago were higher than among soldiers returning home from war. Astounding. I imagine Cleveland must be similar.”

“Yea.”

“Are you open to trying an exercise? It’s called EMDR, which is short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of therapy that has done wonders for people suffering from this condition.”

“OK,” I respond. “What do I have to do?”

“Well, the first step is to get comfortable. Take a deep breath. Next, I would like you to tap the tops of both of your thighs while following my finger back and forth with your eyes. These techniques help stimulate the deeper parts of the brain we have locked away. It’s simple, but transformative.”

It sounds silly to me, but I try. I follow her finger and tap my legs.

“Now close your eyes,” she says, “and tell me if anything rises.”