“I hear that’s a good read,” someone says from behind me. I slam the book closed and almost choke on the unchewed cookie still in my mouth. When I see that it’s Bryce, I swallow hard and try to form a cohesive sentence, despite what I’ve just seen.

“Excited,” I say finally. “I mean, seems like everyone’s super excited to be here. I’ve never seen so many happy people in one place.” Bryce tells me it’s because they have a special musical guest from a famous church in California.

“It’s going to be totally awesome,” he says. “Oh, there he is. Jim! Buddy! How are you? We can’t wait to hear you sing later, man.” Jim is a tall white boy with blond hair and blue eyes who literally looks like the picture of Jesus hanging over my desk.

“Bryce, my man,” Jim responds. “How was your summer? Tell your dad I’ll be touring on the West Coast for the rest of the year, so hopefully we can head to the lake and bait some hooks. Would be amazing to see him.”

“Dude, you should hit up the ocean too. The tide will be killer this time of year.” They talk like the people in all of the white movies and TV shows I’ve ever seen. Later, when I get back to my dorm room, I practice adding “dude,” “killer,” and “rad” to random sentences. Dude, this fried chicken is totally killer. No way, that’s so rad. I stand in front of the mirror watching my African lips fold awkwardly around these foreign words. I feel different talking like this. Freer, more carefree. The caucasity, I think to myself.

“Oh hey, let me introduce you to Echo,” Bryce finally says after catching up with his “bro.” “She’s a first-year and still figuring things out.” Jim turns to me, smiling so hard I wonder if his face is going to tear apart.

“Welcome,” he says, “we need as many warriors of the light as we can get.” I smile plastically, but warmly.

“Well, they’re about to start,” I say. “I better go find a seat. Nice to meet you.” He smiles intensely again. I wonder what’s the point of smiling that hard? If it’s truly from the soul, like Earnell’s laugh, shouldn’t it feel easy? In Cleveland, people only smile like this when they’re trying to hide something.