No one is more obstinately against affirmative action than Stephen Clark, whose squirmy face I can barely stand to look at whenever he opens his mouth. Every time he raises his hand in my Introduction to American Government class, I prepare to have my entire existence invalidated. He spews his rage-filled, big-word comments all over the classroom. I pull out my dictionary to keep up as he speaks.

“Affirmative action has made the debate over college admissions litigious, rightfully so, and contentious.” Litigious: suitable to become the subject of a lawsuit.

“Look,” he continues, “let every man and woman stand in the arena on his or her own accord. Those that are truly intelligent, regardless of race, will rise to the top. They always do. I agree that in the past, things were pretty fucked up. Even I can admit that, but we don’t live in the past. We live in the present where a lot of work has been done to balance the scales. Furthermore, you can’t punish mostly white and Asian students for the sins of the past. It’s not fair. I just want everyone to have an equal shot. That’s all.”

The class is silent, but I am exploding inside. Does he really not realize how much unchecked privilege got him to where he is? Not merit. I look around and read the expressions on other students’ faces. Some burn with rage, just like me. Others, like Daniel McCullum, a Black student from Detroit, smile with righteous indignation as if their leader has just silenced the critics. “Might I add,” Daniel chimes in, “that you can’t fix a broken system by creating another broken system. Affirmative action is just as wrong as slavery or segregation in my opinion. Let the test scores speak for themselves.”

Back home, when someone says something that is too outrageous to be taken seriously, you might turn to your equally shocked friend and say, “This nigga.” Which is short for “this nigga has lost his mind.” I want to turn to the Black person next to me and commiserate, but I remember where I am. I never use the N-word, not even in Cleveland, but if ever there were a moment that called for it, it’s now. No shade to people who do use it, because I firmly believe that a person is allowed to reclaim derogatory word missiles that have been aimed at them in the past.