Three of the naked swimmers emerge from the water. “Aww, come on! You guys have to get in!” They pull two of Manda Panda’s sitting friends in and shout, “Woo-hoo!” at the top of their lungs. When one of them starts to approach the rest of us, Earnell, Gabby, and Keli immediately shuffle away from the dripping wet assailant.

“Come on, Echo!” Keli calls out from behind me. “It’s time to go.”

I’m not ready to leave this beautiful night by the fire. I assume politely saying “No, please don’t,” will be enough to curtail his actions. I am wrong. He is pumped, drunk with energy and booze. He grabs me, lifts me over his shoulder, and starts running toward the river. I beat his back in fear. “No! I can’t swim!” I shout. “Put me down! Stop it! No!” Earnell, Gabby, and Keli run after us, but they will never be able to catch a drunken white boy pumped on life. He escapes their efforts and launches me up into the air. For a moment, I am weightless, floating and glowing under the moonlight. A Black phoenix at last. I imagine this is what it must be like to be a bird, forever soaring. I do not have the anatomical structure to stay up in the air so I come plunging back down into the water.

It’s not the river’s fault I still don’t really know how to swim, definitely not in water like this. She didn’t pull me in. He did. She opens her jaws and swallows me whole, against her will, into a cold, ominous underbelly. I am submerged totally in a dark, uncontained space. My body panics. I flail. My head bobs above water for a brief second before I’m sucked back down.

I try to surrender like six-ab Brett recommended. I stop moving, but I sink deeper. Yielding has never delivered favorable results. Only the struggle has saved my life over and over. I defy his advice and flail more. What does he know about fighting to survive? Nothing. I force my will upon the river, but she is much stronger than me, effortlessly pulling me farther below the surface. Willpower, for the first time in my life, is not enough. Resistance is futile, just like Yoda said. My clothes feel like they weigh a hundred pounds and cling to me like a weighted blanket. I try to take off my sweater, but the sensation of sinking quicker causes me to panic again. It’s been too long without oxygen.