How can we strengthen you in this moment?

“You came.”

We did, and now you know how to reach us.

“Yes, but why didn’t you come every other time I’ve quoted the Bible?”

We can only hear your call through any collection of words by which you are moved when your emotional frequency is elevated. It is why we came the night you prayed on the bathroom floor. You, overwhelmed by our presence, passed out, but we still prepared a portal while you slept so you could travel in your dreams.

“Wow, do you know everything there is to know?”

Yes.

“What is 347,589 divided by 3 and then multiplied by 12?”

1,390,356.

“Impressive. Why didn’t you give me the answers to my calculus exam?”

Your journey is by design. We cannot interfere with the events of your life. We can only watch and set the momentum in motion.

“Why didn’t you stop it from happening? Why didn’t you stop him?”

We can only bend the arcs of time when something might be life-threatening to a Chosen One. This tragedy was not, thus we could not interfere.

It is critical to understand that you are not responsible for what he did. He was a monster on your path. There will be many. Once you accept that you are not to blame for disturbing behavior, the ghost of his sins can be released from your psyche.

We can help you see it differently if you would like?

No other event has paralyzed me more: impacting my self-image, self-esteem, and ability to form relationships. It made me deeply distrustful of others and convinced me that I am a terrible, dirty person. I wonder who I would be without the weight of this constantly throbbing at the bottom of my mind.

“How would I see it differently?”

We will prepare a portal.

BACKWARD

Here we are in the same dingy room I’ve been running from my entire life. I freeze. Then I see her in all her innocence. Hair plaited. She is so young. I am so young. Prior to this, I’ve been remembering myself as an adult. Not as a real grown-up, but the qualities of one projected onto my child self, which allows me to keep holding myself responsible for what happened. I should have known better is what I repeat in my mind over and over. But how could this child, this sweet, innocent child, have known better? The realization electrifies me.

Then the crime. I am pinned beneath him. Helpless. I can barely watch. A violent rage takes over me. I lunge toward him, knocking him down. My fists land decisively against his face until he transforms into a disfigured, frightened creature. I see him for the first time as he truly was: a sick coward. He shrinks away from me, scurrying around the room before jumping out the window to his death.