Here’s the scariest part: My parents thought I knew what I was doing.

How come they thought I was so grown up all of a sudden?

Why did they, of all people, fall for this face? Shouldn’t they still be able to see through it?

When I was little, my mother used to say she could tell if I was lying by looking at my tongue! And of course I believed her, and of course—she was right. At what age did I learn that as long as I let her see my tongue, she’d believe whatever I said?

I know that it can feel just as good as it does bad to get away with a lie. But both ways, it’s lonely.

Anyway, now my mother didn’t ask to see my tongue anymore. She just believed me, I guess. Both of them believed that I knew what I was doing with my life. They thought I knew what I was doing about this Jake thing. They thought it was a bad plan, but the point is, they thought I had a plan.

Boy,

were

they

wrong!

I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew I didn’t want to flunk out of school and become a nothing with no future. And I knew that I didn’t give a hoot about Jake.

But those weren’t good reasons to give up and give in, were they?

Who could I ask? Who could I even talk to about it?

I was a lone eon on loan to no one. It took my breath away how alone I was.

Katie

When I saw Sarah before school this morning, she said she was sure everything would work out okay. But I could tell she was nervous. She didn’t say anything about my new shoes. Not that they’re the most important thing in the galaxy, but trust me: If Sarah were herself, she would’ve noticed them.

Then when she didn’t show up for lunch, I panicked. I asked a girl named Brenda (who’s in Sarah’s class second hour) if she’d seen her. She hadn’t.

Then Brenda’s friend Ruby told me that she’d heard that Sarah was in the principal’s office again!

But I hadn’t heard Sarah called over the PA.

One girl, Ashley, who’s in Sarah’s first hour, said Mr. Chen called her down to the office the minute class started. And when I said I didn’t hear the PA, she said, “Sarah? Was, like, SURGICALLY removed?” She wasn’t asking me anything. That’s just how Ashley talks. Then she said, “Later? I saw Sarah? Goin’ out? Like, to the parking lot? With, like, her, like, sister? Or whatever?”