So he goes, “Don’t be mad,” and I can tell he’s practically dying to tell me something. But I’m, like, not playing.

This drives him bonkers so he’s all, “Wanna know why I’m not dead tired from studying all night?”

So I go, like, “No.”

And he says something about Sarah helping him out, or Sarah saving his butt, or whatever. And I think, Sarah? Excuse me? Sarah Collier??? He left me dragging chairs around while he went to study with Sarah Collier? And I’m, what? Supposed to be happy for him?

So I spin around to split and I say, “Fine,” or whatever. But my heart’s goin’ nuts and my face is probably, like, beet red.

I just cannot believe he broke up with me like that! With that stupid grin on his face. The day before my sister’s engagement luncheon when my whole entire family thinks he’s coming and that he’s, like, my date and boyfriend. And they’re going to ask me, “Where’s Danny? Why isn’t Danny here?” And I’m supposed to say…what? That he dumped me for Sarah???

So I’m walking away and he grabs my arm and goes, “What are you getting all bent about?”

And I go, like…I don’t say anything.

And the bell rings and I leave, and he’s all like, “Huh?”

And I am totally not crying, but it takes every drop of my strength.

Ask me if I need this.

Rob

Grab Dan in the hall. Say, “We’re totally screwed.” But he thinks I’m just paranoid. Says, “Lighten up and enjoy!”

Enjoy what? Flunking?

Tell him that when my old man has a few beers he starts on the Rio de la Paz stories. So I know the river answer’s dead wrong. Dan interrupts, says it’s brilliant to have a few wrong answers. Makes it seem more natural. He says everything’s cool.

Sarah

I was minding my own business in American Lit. when the intercom hissed and the school secretary’s voice quackled into the room.

“Would Sawa Colliea, Wobbit King, and Daniel Bwand pwease wepowt to the pwincipal’s office?”

Her Elmer Fudd thing usually cracks me up. But not today. Today’s cracks, hearing her string my name with theirs, were the chipping and shattering, not the tee-hee kind.

“Run!” said the little brain.

“Run! Hide! Deny!”

“Too late,” said the bigger brain.

“Too late to even try.”

Everyone turned to watch me gather my books. Getting my breathing under control took a beat, but when I was sure my knees wouldn’t knock, I got up and swanned down the row of desks. Neck arched, wings poised. (Ugly feet hidden underwater.)

I even put a smile on my beak on the way out:

As if to say, “I wonder what this could be about?”