I so longed for him to wake up. I was determined to fight, as long as there was breath in my lungs and in his. I’d made that irreversible decision the day after the pronouncement made by Dr Beaugrand. Actually, that decision had always been inside me, since the accident. But I’d had to be shaken up by my own mother, and especially by the ominous countdown, for it to appear as blindingly obvious to me. I had to stop wallowing in self-pity and blame, and grasp hope by the horns and not let go again.

*

At 20:35, a few metres from the plane, I was still wondering how to conduct myself. Of course, I was convinced that the mission I’d just signed up for was the right thing to do. Of course, I was excited at the thought of what lay in store, and the journey ahead, both physical and emotional. Of course, I also knew that my mother would be there for my son. But no longer being able to touch him or kiss him during the coming days felt like a cruel deprivation. I was terrified that his condition might deteriorate during my absence.

My mother – who hadn’t let me out of her sight over the past few days – had sensed my twitchiness, but I’d managed to keep my discovery and my decision from her. Nothing horrified me more than the prospect of having a minder shadowing me.

I waited for the last call for boarding and checked that I had the precious little notebook with me, opening my handbag and stroking the laminated cover celebrating Neymar, and I finally made my way towards the flight attendant.

Deep breath, big smile, settle into seat 6A. I couldn’t believe the size of the seat, and didn’t understand how to turn it into a bed (this was the first time I’d travelled in business class). I marvelled at the little warm towel, friendly smiles from the cabin crew, the glass of champagne that I could enjoy without being reprimanded by my mother, who was subjecting me to a food hell, including total abstinence from alcohol, since she’d scraped me off the floor the night of Dr Beaugrand’s pronouncement. I relished the feeling of being pampered.

I felt good, just good. I hadn’t felt like that for seventeen days. No, on second thoughts, for much longer.

I raised my glass. To your dreams, my son.

2

The Book of Wonders

9

24 Days

Jumping Into the Void

Arigatou gozaimasu!

‘Ar-i-ga-too . . . gauze-eye-massu!’