In his hospital bed, Louis was beautiful. Serene. Calm. Surprisingly intact. If it weren’t for all those tubes, his face and the rest of his body would have looked unbroken, or almost. Two smashed ribs, a fractured leg – and, since the fracture wasn’t open, immobilizing the leg would be sufficient, so I was told. To which I replied that I couldn’t see the point of immobilizing the leg, given that Louis wasn’t exactly going to be prancing around straight away. The nurse shot me one of those judgemental looks that speak volumes, deeming wisecracks from the mouth of a distraught mother inappropriate. I was a bewildered mother. I don’t know about distraught. Everything felt unreal. This is a nightmare, Thelma, that’s all. You’re going to wake up, and Louis will be beside you, his tousled surfer’s locks tumbling over his dark eyes, which will begin to laugh through their thick lashes. What’s up, Mum? Don’t you like my pranks any more? OK, that one was a bit off, but I’m fine, don’t worry. By the way, did you buy me that Pokémon-EX card I found on Amazon? What are we having for supper tonight? Can I watch the concert on MTV? Go on, pleeaase, Mum, be cool. You’re the best. I love you.

I’m so far from being the best. The best and I are light years apart. She mocks me from her far-off galaxy. Her son is standing beside her, smiling. He’s alive. And mine?

Alive.

Hope.

Wait.

How long?

No idea.

3

Immediately After

I was permitted to leave the hospital on the Sunday evening. The staff wouldn’t let me out on the Saturday; they needed to keep me under observation – that was the official line. But I think they were mainly afraid I’d do something stupid. They don’t know me. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s suicidal. I have a deeply ingrained survival instinct. Even in my darkest moments, I find the strength to pick myself up again. That’s what I’d been telling myself over and over since Louis’s accident. I was going to have to go into battle mode. And that’s something I know how to do. I’m a warrior. A fighter. ‘That’s very good, madame; Louis is going to need your support. The family has an important part to play when a person’s in a coma. There are no guarantees, mind you, but Louis is very young. At his age, he’s more likely to recover. Positive outcomes in such cases are often thanks to a combination of specialist medical care, a young patient who keeps fighting and the support of a loving family.’