‘I think masculinity’s more about how you feel.’

‘Well, that morning, I couldn’t have felt any less of a man if I’d tried. Maybe that’s why I almost did what I did.’

He’d wiped a tear away and I pushed the box of tissues on the table closer to him.

‘What did you almost do?’ I asked.

His jaw tensed, the bristles of his beard pulsing.

‘When she got off me and walked towards the bathroom, I reached for the baseball bat that we keep beside the bed. I’ve let her rain down blow after blow, insult after insult, without so much as a retort, but that morning, everything that I’ve held in over the years just rose to the surface.’

‘What were you thinking you would do?’ I’d asked.

He took a deep breath. ‘I wanted to kill her,’ he said, before looking at me as if to gauge my reaction. When I didn’t give him one, he’d forged on. ‘It felt like the only way out and I remember thinking that all I had to do was swing it once and it would all be over. I was walking up behind her, having this internal dialogue with myself, wondering how bad it would be if I just did it.’

‘So what stopped you?’ I asked.

‘As much as I so desperately wanted to do it, all the time I was rationalizing it in my head, it wasn’t going to be an instinctive act, was it?’

‘I’m going to ask the question that I’m sure you’ve asked yourself a thousand times,’ I’d said.

‘Why haven’t I left her?’ he sighed, beating me to it.

I’d nodded.

‘I will, but it’s going to take some organization. I’ve been applying for new jobs in Canterbury as I can’t risk her finding me once I’ve gone.’

‘What is it you do?’ I asked.

‘I’m a school teacher,’ he said. ‘For my sins.’

I’d offered a small smile.

‘And what about accommodation?’ I’d asked.

‘I haven’t got anything lined up, but if I get offered any of the positions I’ve applied for, I’ll have to get something sorted out pretty quickly, even if it’s just something temporary, until I’m able to get myself properly settled.’