‘You’ve led me on and left me high and dry,’ he says, getting up from his stool and pushing it back.

‘Is everything OK here?’ asks the barman, reading the palpable juxtaposition of our body language.

‘Fine,’ I say, tightly.

‘Piss off then,’ says Jacob, throwing a hand in the direction of the door.

‘Jacob, please.’

‘I don’t need your pity,’ he slurs. ‘I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.’

‘I don’t,’ I say, desperate to stop the pendulum swinging between one extreme and another. ‘I’m proud of you, there’s a difference. I’m proud of everything you’ve achieved and everything I know you’re still to achieve.’

‘I thought you liked me,’ he says.

‘I do.’ I dare to go towards him. ‘But not like that, and in time you’ll meet someone who you really care for and realize that whatever feelings you had for me were superficial.’

He looks at me sadly. ‘But this feels different.’

‘Anything will feel different after the relationship you’ve just come out of,’ I say. ‘But give yourself some time and space to be alone and work out what you want.’ I smile at him cautiously.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, falling back onto the stool and putting his head in his hands on the bar. ‘I’m a little out of practice.’

‘It’s not a problem,’ I say, as I shrug on my leather jacket.

‘Can I still come and see you on Wednesday?’

‘Of course, but I won’t take your money if you’re going to spend the hour imagining a relationship we don’t have.’

‘I’ve made a real fool of myself, haven’t I?’ he says.

‘You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. I’ll see you on Wednesday.’

‘Can I call you if I hear from Vanessa again?’ he asks.

I go to say yes, but I shouldn’t give him any more reason to think this is something that it isn’t. ‘If she contacts you and threatens you in any way, you need to call the police.’

He nods, but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll have cause to ring the police before he does.

6

My brain is still running over the day’s events as I turn in through the gates of Tattenhall, the nerve endings sparking off each other as I weigh up how much danger both Jacob and I are realistically in. Him from the wife he has dared to leave. Me from the people I’d once called family.

I choose to push aside the added complication of what has just happened between us, knowing that if I acknowledge his misplaced perception of what we shared, I will also have to accept the role I’ve played in encouraging it.