My phone rings, and I jump, surprised I have a signal. When I see that it’s Kelly, some of my melancholy lifts, and I’m already smiling even before I hear her familiar voice, always so fast and full of laughter.

‘Where are you? Tell me you’ve left the island at least, or I’ll have to murder you. I’ve been waiting patiently since last night to dive headfirst into a vat of blue WKD and a family pack of cheesy balls.’

I laugh, and it sounds so strange – so alien – to me, that I immediately stop.

‘I’m sorry. I got waylaid.’ I look at that surf, those lonely gold lights. ‘But yeah, I’ve left the island now.’ I turn away from the worst of the wind. ‘Listen, I just wanted to say thank you again. For offering to put me up, for being so—’

‘Are you kidding? I can’t wait to see you. I mean, Fraser’s great company and a big fan of cheesy balls, but he can’t help me out with vats of blue WKD. You’ll love it here. You’re going to find the writing job of your dreams and stay with us forever if I get my way.’ She snorts. ‘And you know I’m pretty good at getting my way.’

‘Thanks, Kelly.’ I will never tell her about Robert. About any of it. Not for me. Not even for her dad. But for her.

‘All part of the service.’ Some of the smile goes out of her voice. I can picture her expression, the concern that she’s always been so careful to hide. ‘Are you okay, Maggie?’

I turn back to the wind, the strait, the disappearing island. ‘I think so.’

I don’t put my phone away after I end the call. Instead, I open Will’s text.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy x

And something changes inside me. Suddenly and without warning. Like a switch, dark to light. All that sadness, all that resignation, vanishes like rain clouds blown inland on an Atlantic wind. I think of Euan and Cora dancing to Clannad in their kitchen. I will find you, if it takes a thousand years. I think my anger – at how hard it is to love who we’re always going to lose. But no one ever really loses anyone. I know now how love should feel, because of Will. Because of us. And the life that I choose now without him will be different, but he will always be the reason I chose it.

Maybe we are all just composite bodies, sitting at dining tables inside houses. Maybe what we sacrifice is only who we once were and what we once knew. And it’s others who remember. Who build monuments and tell stories about who we used to be. Because Mum was right. Who I am has never been a curse. I know who I once was. And I know what I once knew. I think of Euan’s Some people, they just never live. They somehow can’t live. And that was Robert. Because Robert could never see that the only forgiveness he needed was his own.