Because suddenly I’m so, so afraid that he’s right.

CHAPTER 35

‘Here.’

I take the coffee mug, wrap my still numb fingers around it.

‘There’s some brandy in it.’ Miko smiles, sitting down on the narrow bed opposite mine.

The bunkhouse is small and warm. A tiny kitchenette and toilet at one end, a fold-down desk next to the door, the two beds in between. It smells of pine and the perfume Miko wears, jasmine maybe. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, try to stop shaking.

The knock on the door isn’t loud, but I cringe all the same, spill coffee over my lap, the baggy jumper and leggings that Miko had me change into as soon as we got back here.

‘It’s Will. I just want to talk to you, Maggie. Are you okay?’

I close my eyes, and Miko gently prises the mug out of my hands.

Will knocks again, hard enough this time that the doorframe shakes. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Tell me what’s wrong. For God’s sake. I just need to know you’re all right. Please.’

I can’t listen to his voice. I can’t see his face. I can’t answer his questions. I only want to hide inside empty and undemanding quiet. I only want to try and think. When I’m with him, I can’t.

‘It’s okay,’ Miko says, as she goes towards the door. ‘I won’t let him in.’

When she comes back, I jolt as if I’ve been sleeping. Maybe I have.

‘Charlie’s out there too. He wants to talk to you.’

I shake my head. ‘I can’t. Not now.’

Miko sits down next to me, takes my swollen fingers inside her cool hands. ‘I don’t know what’s happened, and you don’t have to tell me. But I don’t think you need to be scared. Anyone can see that they’re both just worried about you.’ When I don’t reply, she sighs. ‘At least let me take you to Stornoway. Charlie’s right, you need to go to hospital. Hypothermia can—’

‘I’m not going to Stornoway. Not yet.’ Then I remember Kelly is leaving tonight, and almost change my mind.

‘Maybe you should talk to Charlie. Hear whatever it is he has to say. He says it’s important.’ She holds my gaze. ‘He says he saved your life, Maggie.’

I take another painful breath. I don’t think I need to be scared either. Not of Charlie. And I do need to talk to him. I need to know what I am actually afraid of.

‘Okay.’

Miko gets up, opens the door, and slips outside again.

Charlie comes back in alone. ‘Are you all right?’

His voice is shaking, and that makes me feel steadier. I nod. Absently rub at my breastbone, at the slow-radiating throb there.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, looking briefly down at his hands. ‘It’s been a while since I … you’re probably lucky I didn’t break a few ribs.’

I feel another jolt then. I died. And Charlie brought me back. I try to imagine it – lying on the sand with everyone else standing, watching, while he tried to beat my heart into starting again. I can’t remember dying. I can’t remember coming back to life.