The travel agency asked me to describe what happened with the utmost accuracy, explain why I chose this package and what my experiences were, in order to provide guidance for those considering whether or not to embark on this journey. If you don’t have the patience to read about my adventures so extensively I will summarize here for you in a few quick words. Three of us survived the trip out of more than a dozen travelers. The survivors’ lives have changed irrevocably. Mine in a definitely positive way; I can’t speak for the others. Make your decision with this in mind. I believe that it’s best to wait until you have nothing left to lose.

Why did I choose this trip?

I work in an office from nine to five at a multinational company. The salary is good. I’m surrounded by inspiring people. I live for my work. I’m ambitious, my colleagues like me. I spend my nights at my favorite downtown clubs and bars – night after night of boozing with clients and colleagues, punctuated with one night stands and short-lived relationships. Then back to work the next morning, often on weekends too.

I’ve been doing this for years, on repeat, week after week. Some time ago I realized that I was on the verge of burnout. I couldn’t pinpoint the boundary between me and my work, between who I was and what I did for money. At nights, the spritzer and beer weren’t enough anymore, I would also down a few shots. If necessary, I would get some cocaine or ecstasy. When I was high I could sense that there was an actual person beyond the office drone that I had become. I needed to make a connection with that person, but the connection achieved through these highs was never permanent, and after a while I started to pay the price. My face got redder, my otherwise lean body became cushioned with layers of fat.

I felt like I was living someone else’s life.

I should have been happy. Many people don’t have as much as I have. Still, for no good reason at all I sometimes found myself daydreaming about suicide. Of course no one noticed this. I remained just as social as before, I even compensated for the depression at night. I threw away my days like used tissues.