When I got in from school, Mum was on the phone. ‘No, I quite understand,’ she was saying. ‘I totally agree with you. I think this shows how sensitive and empathetic you are, and I admire you for it.’

‘Hello lovely Mother. Who was that?’ I asked, as she hung up.

‘Hello darling Sam. That was the marvellous Bernard Souter. He was just saying he feels really guilty about all the artists he’s ever given bad reviews to, and he wants to make amends. So he’d like to ask them all if they want to share my exhibition. I said yes, of course.’

‘How many of them are there?’

‘About five thousand.’

‘Gonna be a bit crowded.’

‘Yes – but think how hurt anyone would be if they were left out!’

‘You’re right, Mum,’ I said. ‘You’re dead right.’

*

I was in the kitchen eating a seafood salad that I’d wished for when Maeve came in.

‘Hello darling little brother.’

‘Hi beautiful sister. Did you have a lovely day?’

Maeve started crying, but she was also sort of smiling through the tears. ‘Yes, it was lovely, thanks, but . . . difficult. I had to tell Stefan he could go out with Josephine Waxwing again. She was so upset when he chucked her and I just knew it wasn’t fair. She’s such a nice person.’

‘Oh, poor Maeve! So he’s chucked you instead?’

‘No, we came to an arrangement. She’s going to go out with him on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and I have him on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.’

‘What about Sundays?’

‘That’s his day off. But I go out with Stanley Jollop then. He’s fancied me for years and I can’t bear to disappoint him. He’s so nice.’

‘Oh, good, so that’s all sorted then. That was really clever of you.’

Maeve shook her head. ‘I don’t know, though – am I doing enough to make everyone happy? There may be other boys who want to go out with me too, and I can’t bear the thought of disappointing them!’

‘There’s bound to be other boys who want to go out with you!’ I said. ‘Hundreds of them. Because you’re so nice!’

‘D’you think I should go out with all of them?’

‘Well, it’ll be difficult, but I s’pose you should . . .’

Maeve thought about this. ‘I’ll have to organize some sort of rota . . .’

A bit later, when Dad came in from work, he told us he’d invited Roger Haggerston and everyone else who worked in the building to share his office with the river view with him.

We all agreed he’d done the right thing. But it did occur to me that I’d created a pretty weird world.

And I wasn’t quite sure how it was going to work out.

Chapter Thirteen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN