When I’d first thought of this scenario, I’d imagined that every time I killed one I’d throw it off Sam’s head to land in the bathwater. But that wasn’t possible. It was too big and I was too small and I’d never get it past the forest of hairs. I’d just have to let the corpses lie where they fell and comb them out after.

One down. Lots more to go.

I stalked through the forest, slaying the monsters as I found them. None of them put up any resistance. They were too dumb to know what was going on. They were just bloodsuckers, that was all they could do. I came upon their white, football-sized eggs, singly or in clusters, stuck on to the side of hairs, and punctured every one I saw.

The longer it went on, though, the less I liked it. I’d thought this would be an adventure, but there was no excitement in it. And I kept having this unpleasant thought that in a way I was lowering myself to the level of the nits. They went around sucking blood and I went around stabbing them, and was there really much difference?

I’d killed about ten, I s’pose, when I decided to call it a day. This could go on for a long time – Mum had announced she’d combed out eighty-five only the other night – and it was pointless. All I had to do was wish the nits were gone, after all. There was no need to personally hand-slaughter them.

So, I wished Ben’s head was clear of all lice and I wished that I was back to normal size and sitting on the toilet seat again.

‘All gone?’ Ben asked, when I reappeared.

‘All gone.’

‘Where’s my leopard helicopter, then?’

‘Coming up.’

So that was it, everyone in my family had got what they wanted. Except me.

But what did I want?

Later that night, I was lying in bed reading some Marvel comics I’d wished for. After a while I got tired of reading and wished the superheroes and supervillains would come to life – but in miniature, the same size as they were in the comics – and act out their battles for me at the foot of my bed. It was great fun watching the Fantastic Four slugging it out with Doctor Doom on my duvet.

I’d always wanted to be a superhero.

Yeah. That was what I wanted.

Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT