Some of the glee faded from Mum’s face. ‘Oh . . . I suppose it could be a hoax. But who would be cruel enough to do that?’

‘People are horrible, Mum,’ Maeve said. ‘I thought that was a well-known fact.’

‘I bet it’s not a hoax,’ I said.

‘What’s a hoax?’ Ben asked, still scratching.

‘You can’t trust anyone,’ Maeve said. ‘No one. No one at all.’

Her phone gave a little twiddly noise. She pulled it out to read the text. Her face went as dazed and pink as Mum’s had just done.

‘What is it?’ Dad asked.

‘It’s from Stefan!’

‘What? Bumgarner?’ Dad said. He’s never been able to get over Bumgarner’s name. Well, none of us have, really.

‘What’s he say?’ Mum asked. ‘Looks like good news.’

‘Yeah, it’s . . . you could say that, yeah,’ Maeve said. But she didn’t read the text out. She didn’t need to, I knew what it said:

Ive been thinking what an idiot ive been. u r the only girl 4 me ever, ive been so miserable since we split, I cant believe what a moron I was. u r the best girl in the world and I am just a stupid idiot. And Josephine is horrible and smelly. Would u take me back? Please? Even though I dont deserve it? Cos I luv u Maeve, I truly do.

‘You sure it’s not a hoax?’ I asked.

But I was only winding her up. It wasn’t a hoax. For once, everyone was going to get what they wanted. And it felt good.

The next person to sort out was Ben. Not that he had any real problems. You don’t really when you’re six, only those nits, but I thought I might as well get rid of them for him. Really destroy them. Eradicate them. Obliterate them once and for all.

After we’d eaten, and Maeve had gone upstairs to phone all her friends and Mum and Dad were in the kitchen stacking the dishwasher, I said, ‘I’ll give Ben his bath and nit-comb him tonight.’

‘Oh, you don’t have to do that, Sam,’ Mum said.

‘Why not?’ said Dad. ‘Let him do it. We can settle down on the sofa and finish the wine in front of the telly!’