One of Edna’s maids, a Colombian woman named Maria Elephantes, was the first to see Theresa Mendavey roll up her mother’s driveway. Theresa was on the back of a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, her arms wrapped around an enormous black man. The enormous man wore a stocking on his head, a black leather vest with BLACK OUTLAWS OF BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA in big red letters circling a black shield with the orange HARLEY-DAVIDSON in the middle. He had on black leather chaps over a pair of black jeans. He wore laced-up black boots. The boots had orange flames painted on both sides. The man’s head under the stocking was bald as a billiard ball. His arms were huge. They resembled a champion weight lifter’s. Both arms sported major tattoos. The tattoo on his right arm featured the American flag, flames, and dragons. The other arm had a replica of the Statue of Liberty with the name Bernice tattooed over it. The tattoos ran from the top of the powerful Negro’s shoulders to his mammoth wrists.

Theresa was in some sort of black leather outfit that had studs all over the place. The studs ran down the length of both sleeves, across her shoulders, and down the jacket’s sides. The studs went around the fly of her black jeans and up the pant’s ass crack. Different kinds of silver chains hung hither and yon from both her jacket and jeans, including a long silver key chain that started on a belt loop, made a big semicircle that almost touched the ground, and ended in one of Theresa’s rear jean pockets. The two lovers walked from the Harley to the front door with their arms wrapped around each other’s waists.

Edna’s maid watched the pair approach through a dining room window. They were coming to the front door! She turned and ran upstairs in a great panic to fetch her mistress. She spoke to Edna Mendavey in a blubbering Spanish as if Edna were a Colombian Scarlett O’Hara and Zapata’s army were marching to the Love Apple Plantation’s front door intent on pillage and rape. With her maid screeching Spanish psalms behind her, Edna Mendavey scurried down the stairs. The nonstop blubbering behind her was making Edna Mendavey a nervous wreck.

“Shut up, Maria.”

“¿Por qué? Yo no entiendo.”

Edna Mendavey was torn between answering the doorbell, calling the police, or going back upstairs and hiding under her bed. But who was she hiding from? She never could understand anything her spic maid said. Edna peeked through the front door’s peephole and became weak in the knees, wobbling back a few steps. Maria Elephantes steadied her.

What am I worried about? pondered Edna. My daughter wouldn’t let anything happen to me. Or would she?

“Theresa has her arm around the gorilla’s waist!” Edna Mendavey whispered loudly to Maria Elephantes.

“¿Por qué? Yo no entiendo.”

“Shut up and open the goddamn door,” ordered Edna Mendavey.

“¿Por qué? Yo no en—”

Edna opened the door.