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ALSO BY CHUCK BARRIS

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Bad Grass Never Dies: More Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

The Game Show King

You and Me, Babe: A Novel

Copyright

SIMON & SCHUSTER
Rockefeller Center
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Although, for the sake of verisimilitude, the names of certain real people and entities are used in the book, their use is fictional and their interactions with the characters the author has invented are wholly the author’s creation and are not intended to be understood as descriptions of real or actual events, or to reflect in any way upon the actual conduct or character of these real people or entities.

SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Barris, Chuck.
The big question: a novel / Chuck Barris.
p. cm.
1. Reality television programs—Fiction. 2. Game shows—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3552.A7367B54 2007
813'.54—dc22
2006052617

ISBN-13: 978-1-4165-3928-5
ISBN-10:      1-4165-3928-X

Dedication

for my dear wife, Mary
No matter how much time I have left with you,
it isn’t enough.

and for my dear friend Reuven Frank
Referring to television, Reuven once told me,
“In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man
is a consultant.”

I was never quite sure what Reuven meant by that,
but I believed him.

Epigraph

You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.

—CORMAC MCCARTHY

I

It happened on a bleak Friday afternoon in late November…

It happened on a bleak Friday afternoon in late November in the year 2011. That’s when the hand shot out and grabbed him.

The assault took place during one of those cold spells that occur with regularity between Thanksgiving and Christmas. A blustery wind whipped around street corners and made life miserable. It was the kind of cold New Yorkers say goes right through you. The streets were filled with bundled-up shoppers in overcoats and scarves, executives wearing dark blue cashmere topcoats, tourists shivering in mackinaws, earmuffs, and Yankee baseball caps just purchased from street vendors.

The fingers that took hold of him were so strong he could feel the pressure through his fur-lined raincoat, sport coat, turtleneck sweater, and the two undershirts beneath. The man had been lost in thought walking along the east side of Madison Avenue when the attack took place. He experienced a thick feeling of terror grip his chest like an iron vise. He was sure he would soon be fighting for his life against a demented lunatic right there in the middle of the pavement. He could see tomorrow morning’s Post headline:

CRAZE-O MURDERS FAMOUS TV
PRODUCER ON UPPER EAST SIDE

The hand spun him around. As the producer came face-to-face with his assailant, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The hand with the powerful grip belonged to a pathetic old cripple!

The producer was relieved.