“Yes. See if that jerk-off that used to do The Newlywed Game is available. Not too bright, but he can do a game show. I think. At least he doesn’t do fake laughs all the time. Make sure the one I have in mind is not too old. He’s probably too old by now. If he is too old, get anybody.”

Ms. Pickle wrote in her notepad: Get NWG jerk-off.

Onstage, Rip Puckett said, “Okay, our next contestant is a young man from Bowling Green, Kentucky. He loves to hunt and fish and never misses a boxing match if he can see it. And…he doesn’t like grits! My my my, a Southerner who doesn’t like grits? Let’s give a warm Big Question welcome to Mr. Billy Constable!”

Billy Constable walked across the stage and shook hands with Rip Puckett.

“Well, Billy, what are you going to do with all that money, that one hundred million dollars, you may or may not win tonight?”

It was Billy Constable’s first time on national television and all of a sudden he realized something awful. He couldn’t seem to make his mouth work. He wondered if he would ever talk again. He just stood beside Puckett, staring at his ear.

After a horrendous delay, which was again mostly Puckett’s fault, Rip said, “Well…yes…good for you! And you’re our expert on boxing?”

“Yes,” whispered Billy, squinting at Rip Puckett.

“Have you ever boxed?” asked the host.

“Did I ever what?”

“Let’s have a big hand for Billy Constable,” yelled Rip Puckett as he waved the model over.

While Billy Constable was being led to his capsule by the Beautiful Monique, Rip Puckett said, “And now let’s meet our final contestant for Game Two. He comes from a proud American family of industrial giants and captains of industry. He works as director of bones for the Museum of Natural History right here in New York City. His area of expertise will be archaeology, primarily the Mesozoic era, or for dummies like me, the age of dinosaurs. Ladies and gentlemen…Mr. Linus Major!”

Linus Major joined Rip Puckett at center stage, grinning from ear to ear.

“You look happy, Mr. Major. I mean Linus. How do you really feel?”

“Happy,” answered Linus, and he had been for several hours now.

It was when he hugged Jimmy Joel Jenks in the green room that Linus knew he wanted to see Jimmy Joel, and everyone else he knew, again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after that. And Artie. And Dr. Bukinberg.

I’m not a kid anymore, he thought to himself. I don’t even lisp at all. As a result I don’t have to impress anybody anymore. I don’t have to do foolish stunts anymore. Ever. Before he signed up for The Big Question, Linus had a simple, happy life. The key word there was “happy.” He had been happy. He wanted to be happy again.