Durch said, “Let’s see, the six most common causes of impotence in men. That happens to be a subject I am extremely familiar with. Okay, here they are: diabetes, alcohol, circulatory problems, some drugs prescribed for high blood pressure, low levels of testosterone…let’s see, how many’s that? That’s five, right?…and…and…what the [bleep] is the sixth…” Arthur Durch couldn’t think of the sixth primary cause of impotence to save his soul.

Time ran out.

Durch missed obesity.

The audience couldn’t have cared less. In fact, they thought the braggart’s inability to answer the question served him right. Once again the audience gave Durch only a few claps.

Father Brady was asked: “The first Church Council was held in the year 321 C.E. Since then, how many Church Councils have been held?”

He answered quickly, “Nineteen.”

“I’m sorrrr-y,” said the hammy host, “the correct answer is twenty-one.”

The audience moaned. They seemed disappointed when a nice contestant missed a question.

Rip Puckett asked Vera Bundle, “Where are the Marang Mountains?”

Without hesitating, Vera answered, “Borneo.”

Puckett screamed, “That is absolutely correct!”

The audience cheered uncontrollably.

With the score Bundle 2, Brady 1, and Durch 1, host Puckett asked Arthur Durch, “If one suffers from priapism, what exactly is one suffering from?”

Durch looked dazed.

“What the [bleep] kind of a question is that?” Durch asked.

Everyone knew he was angry.

And everyone knew he was going to miss the question.

Time ran out.

A smirking Rip Puckett, glad the contestant who rattled him was on his way off the show, said, “The answer is a large, stiff erection you don’t want and can’t get rid of. The word is derived from Priapus, the Roman garden god who had a large wooden penis.”

The audience laughed uproariously, pleased with the answer and the fact that Durch was gone. Kligman and Siegel, the censors, didn’t laugh at all. They wondered how that question had got by them and whether they would catch hell from their boss.

It was time for Father Brady’s third and final question. Puckett said, “If you get this question correct, Father Brady, you’ll tie Vera Bundle. Ready? Okay, then. Please explain quantum spirituality.”

The priest thought for only a moment, then said, “Quantum spirituality is a spirituality that calls us to recognize the holiness of the world and be involved with it creatively, as Jesus did in becoming human with us.”

Rip Puckett needed a few seconds to check the priest’s answer against the one on his card, completely oblivious to the stage manager, who was vigorously nodding his head and mouthing the word “correct.”

After what seemed like an eternity, Puckett yelped, “You are one hundred percent correct!”

In the control room, one of the writers whispered in the producer’s ear, “The priest wasn’t supposed to get that one.”

The audience was impressed. Not only did the priest know the correct answer but he said it quickly and modestly. They cheered loudly for Father Brady. The humble priest had become one of the favorites.