The studio lights went on and the audience warm-up guy ran onstage bubbling with good cheer, dutifully keeping the studio audience in good spirits. A makeup lady appeared beside the host and began dabbing Rip’s face with Kleenex, blotting up incipient sweat from various parts of his face and neck, and showing him a mirror so he could appraise his hair. The musical conductor was excitedly making sure all his musicians were literally on the same page. Suddenly, the makeup lady and warm-up clown were gone, Rip Puckett was back on his mark, the cameramen and camerawomen were bent into their eyepieces focusing their cameras on Rip, music was playing, and—just like that—the program was back on the air.

“And now,” said host Rip Puckett, taking a deep breath and reading from cue cards, “let’s meet the three contestants chosen from thousands who will vie for big money…or…eternity… tonight on The Big Question. Here are our three contestants for tonight’s first game. From Steubenville, Ohio, a woman who’s not afraid to admit her age—she happens to be seventy-seven years young—a widow and former schoolteacher whose favorite pastime is reading her Encyclopaedia Britannicas and browsing through her National Geographics—Mrs. Vera Bundle!”

Vera Bundle walked to the center of the stage and joined host Puckett. Vera was wearing a cheerful flowered dress and a new hairdo that did absolutely nothing for her looks. The frizzy brown bangs that resembled dead weeds still lay across her forehead.

“So, Mrs. Bundle, what are you going to do with that hundred million dollars…if you should be the lucky winner?”

“Well, Rip, first of all I’m going to buy back my old house in Steubenville. Steubenville’s in Ohio, Rip.”

“I know,” said host Rip Puckett.

“Then I’m going to make a big contribution to the public library, maybe add a Norville Bundle wing for reference books named after my late husband. Not the books, the wing. And then I’ll go to places I’ve always wanted to see like Al Jizah, Timbuktu, and Kilima—”

“Ha ha ha ha,” laughed Rip. “I’m sure you have more plans than we have time to go through, Mrs. Bundle. Ha ha ha ha. Here’s hoping you win the big prize. And your subject tonight will be…”

“Geography, Rip.”

“Great! Ha ha ha ha. Geography. Ha ha ha ha. Well, Mrs. Vera Bundle, why don’t you let the Beautiful Monique lead you over to your soundproof capsule, the one on the far left. You get ready for the first round of The Big Question while I introduce our next contestant.”

A beautiful, tall model came to center stage and pulled Vera by her elbow, more like jerked her toward one of the capsules.

“Good luck, Mrs. Vera Bundle!” yelled host Rip Puckett, showing his new capped teeth to the camera.

The studio audience applauded insanely.

Every reality, talk, and variety program on television has a green room.