“What was it?” I asked.

“Life’s hard, shit happens, but what’s the point if you don’t try anyway?” he said.

“I like that.”

“Me too. I always thought it was just a pithy line, but lately I’ve been thinking about it more and more. Maybe because I miss him, but also maybe because it helps.”

Long after I said good night to Jack and Lola, what he said lingered in my mind. It reminded me of what Elise said: What’s the point of living if you’re not going to exist?

Elise was a striver, a crusader. She wanted to be remembered and she wanted life to be fair. She seemed to be waging a never-ending war against the injustices dealt to her, while Jack was just trying to make the best of it and move on. It’d been thrilling at first, being caught up in Elise’s rebellion, but what about the things we couldn’t do anything about? Her father, my parents. She wanted to rage, but I didn’t want the capacity for endless anger.

Like Elise, Jack knew life wasn’t fair, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. And what he seemed to be saying—what his grandfather was saying—was that there could be power in acceptance. In knowing life was unfair and trying anyway.

SATURDAY // APRIL 15

38.

The first time Jack and Elise clashed was at the end of spring break. Even though I still saw her almost every day and kept my phone on when I was with Jack so Elise could reach me, she complained that I was ditching her, so on Saturday, Jack brought Evan and the four of us went out for dinner together. I couldn’t be ditching her if I brought her with me, and now that I’d had some time alone with Jack, I wanted them to get to know each other, become friends.

We went to the Good Place again to have breakfast for dinner. It started off okay but devolved quickly after we all ordered.

When I said I couldn’t decide if I wanted something sweet or savory, Jack stepped in and said, “We could get both and share? You get sweet and I’ll order savory.”

“Okay!” I said, excited that we were ordering as a couple. Elise, on the other hand, seemed less thrilled.

“So,” Elise said, turning to Jack. “What do you do all day?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Since you’re not in school.” The question itself wasn’t rude, it was the way she’d said it that was oddly dismissive.

Jack ignored her tone and answered politely. “I work at a gym. I read. I sometimes go on a run with Lola, my dog.”

“That’s a cute name,” she said, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Everything okay?” I whispered to her while Jack and Evan were in a side conversation.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” She seemed confused, but I knew she understood what I was asking. I hadn’t brought it up since the night she told me about her father, afraid of what she might’ve said, but it was still there, following us. Most moments with her felt like they had before, like we could almost forget she ever told me. Almost.