Mamma nodded her head slowly. “Truth be told, it was the beginning of a lasting healing in me.”

Britta considered that, a swirl of emotions fluttering through her. “But I can hardly believe she let you bring me up as your own . . . that she believed God wanted that.”

Mamma remained silent, her face flushed. “I’ve often wondered how I would’ve managed if she’d left with you that day.”

Britta’s heart felt heavy. “But Eli would be alive today if it weren’t for her.”

“Ya mustn’t think that way—I certainly don’t.”

“What else can I think?”

Mamma paused to gather herself for a moment. “I miss Eli every day—nothing can take away my love for him, or those wunnerbaar years we had together. But if there hadn’t been an accident, Britta . . . I never would’ve known and loved you.”

Britta had always been sensitive to Mamma, but now her heart swelled with overflowing love. “I can’t imagine being raised by anyone else.”

Long into the night, Britta relived Mamma’s shocking disclosure and her description of Kathleen’s tearful decision to let her go. She wondered about her, curious if her birth mother ever thought about her or prayed for her, after that final parting.

Where is she now? Did she ever marry . . . start a new family?

Sleep was evasive, and despite prayers of gratitude—and contrary to Mamma’s protests—the old doubts began to play again in Britta’s mind. She felt she must somehow share in the guilt of what Kathleen had done not only to the Mast family, but to the entire Hickory Hollow community. And she was convinced now that young Aaron Kauffman was right.

No matter what Kathleen thought, I don’t belong to the People.

As these thoughts played over in her mind, she realized that a revelation like this might complicate her possibilities for dating in the future. Most of all, she worried how it would affect her close relationship with Susie.

How will she feel if I tell her that my biological mother caused the death of her beloved brother?

CHAPTER
35

Four days after Thanksgiving, Susie bundled up and dashed out to the stable phone to check for messages. She was pleased to hear the recording of Britta’s voice, all the way from Missouri.

She leaned her ear into the receiver. “I’ve had a nice time here but really wish you could’ve come, too. Mamma sends her love along with Allen, Sarah, and all the Kinner. Mamma seems a little stronger but still frail. Lord willin’, I’ll leave first thing tomorrow and hope to arrive home around ten o’clock.”