“You can make money off that?” Rob asks, suddenly interested.

“Tens and tens of dollars,” Sandy says. “And all the notoriety you could handle.”

“Or,” Corey says, “you could leave, because you know about that one thing—”

“Whaddya say, Ty?” Rob asks me, near my ear. “Wanna put on a show for them?”

“Your breath still smells like semen,” I tell him. “That can’t be healthy. Brushing your teeth after swallowing is just good hygiene.”

The computer chimes again. I wasn’t expecting anyone else. Weird. I click on the flashing box. Anna and Creed pop up on the screen next to Corey and Sandy.

“Well,” Anna says, cocking her head, “this isn’t what I expected.”

“My eyes!” Creed screams. “They’re filled with naked college boy flesh and I wasn’t prepared! How they burn!” He covers his face with his hands and rocks back and forth.

“I’m doing pay-porn,” Rob tells them. “Type in what you want and I’ll do it.”

Creed starts banging on the keyboard. “I want you to go away!”

“Interesting,” Rob says, “it came through as you want me to drop my towel.”

“No!” everyone shouts.

“Creed,” I say in greeting, “Anna. What’s up?”

“Just calling to say hi,” Anna says.

“Uh, okay. Hi.”

“Link us up with them,” Corey tells me, and now I know something’s up. I connect the calls so everyone can see everyone else.

“What did you do?” I ask Corey.

“I didn’t do anything,” he says. The big fat liar.

I glare at each of them in turn.

“Is he wearing pants yet?” Creed asks, peeking through his fingers.

“No,” Anna tells him. “And I think he’s pierced.”

“Really?” Creed asks. “I almost want to see.”

“I can show you,” Rob offers. “It’s a Prince Albert.”

“This is what my life has come to?” Creed asks. “Asking to see penis on the Internet? My God. How is JJ going to survive knowing his father is a cock hound? I’m going to be just like Bear and Otter.”

My computer beeps again. “Speaking of,” I mutter. “What did you all do?”

They all smile at me. My heart sinks.

Bear and Otter appear on the screen. I sigh and connect them with the rest. “Kid,” Bear says, “I just realized I haven’t seen this… uh. Tyson?”

“Yes, Bear?”

“Why is there a naked man standing next to you?”

“Prince Albert,” Anna says.

“I might be gay now,” Creed sighs.

“Live sex show,” Sandy says.

“Because this is the sort of thing that happens to me,” I tell Bear.

“I wish I could find that hard to believe,” Otter says. “But I’ve lived with you both too long.”

“This is going to be a train wreck,” Corey says. “Rob, if you value your life, you will run away as fast as you can.”

“I’m not scared,” Rob says.

“You will be,” Otter and I say at the same time, trying to sound like Yoda. Instead, we both sound like we’re receiving our first enemas.