“I’m not going to do cocaine because of the Seahawks,” I tell Corey. “I don’t want to be a slut in a bad marriage.”

“I’m not even going to pretend to understand what that means,” he replies. “You know, it’s scary sometimes how much you’re like your brother.”

“I am not,” I say with a scowl.

“It’s part of your charm.”

“Bear is not charming.”

“He’s adorable.”

“Gross. Stop talking about my brother that way.”

He shrugs. “It’s the truth. I bet it’s hot when he and Otter fu—”

“You foul beast,” I hiss at him. “That’s disgusting!” As far as I’m concerned, Bear and Otter are eunuchs and live together in a loving but completely platonic relationship.

“I feel like I should be paying to watch this,” he says as one of the volleyball dudes grabs another dude’s junk and laughs. “Straight guys make no sense.”

I flop down on my back. “So, I’m a desperate virgin spending his summer at his old home with nothing to look forward to, and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life because no one will ever love me and I’ll probably develop some hideous growth on my face from all this sun.”

“Probably,” Corey says, lying down beside me on his stomach. He turns his head toward me. “I’ll love you, but it’ll be from a distance because I’m not good with facial growths. Also, I really hope you realize how pathetic you sound and that you’re just attempting to be ironic. Teen angst isn’t what it used to be.”

I do. And it sucks. I haven’t spoken to Bear in days. Or Otter. Or anyone else other than Corey, angry and sure they all had conspired against me somehow to keep me out of the loop from knowing that my former best friend has a kid. What right did they have to do that? What right did they have to keep this from me?

Well, it whispers, not that you did a whole lot over the past four years to keep track of Dominic. As a matter of fact, one might say you went out of your way to avoid mentioning or even thinking about him. Right? Didn’t you just cut him out like he was nothing? Exactly what he said you did. And don’t forget how weak and fragile you are, which is why no one told you a thing about him. Poor Tyson! He doesn’t know how to breathe and everything falls down around him, and just like the Kid he is, he ends up in the bathtub because that’s all he knows how to do.

For fuck’s sake. “Life is hard.” Well, harder than it should be. And I’m probably making it harder. Blargh.

“Oh boy,” Corey says. “You want some advice?”

“No. I can figure this out on my own.”

“Okay,” he says. He closes his eyes.

I last about three seconds, but I think he knows it’s coming.

“Give me your damn advice,” I grumble.